He Carried Her Ghost
by esoRebma
Summary: And in that moment, he was just a man and she was just a woman. He saw past the physical features that made their species so different; human, turian... it didn't matter. She had blossomed into something beautiful and it scared the living hell out of him.
1. Chapter 1: I Am Sold

Oh, hey! Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! I hope you enjoy reading this story as I have enjoyed writing it!

But first, before you start reading, I would like to mention that I have given Shepard her default look as of ME3 in this tale. That is all.

**Disclaimer**: Mass Effect and its characters belong to EA and Bioware. This is purely fanmade, no profits are gained from this story.

**CHAPTER ONE: I Am Sold**

* * *

"Have you got a minute?" She had asked from behind him.

He stopped to turn and face her, "For you, Shepard, of course," Was his simple response.

He'd abandoned the console he had been typing against and turned his blue eyes to her, watching her move to take a seat on the cargo bin against the steel wall beside him. It was still so surreal to watch her, especially after spending the last two years believing she was dead. How could he be so sure that at this moment, he hadn't been gunned down on Omega and that his body wasn't rotting away in a pool of blue turian blood? He could still recall a rocket punching him in the face. Maybe that N7 insignia he had seen engraved onto one of the mercenary's armor had just been a hallucination? He had somehow ended up in the same heaven with Shepard. An ending he wouldn't have minded at all.

She hadn't said anything, wasn't really looking at him either, but he kept his eyes on her. His blue eyes followed her movement as she slouched over, elbows resting on her knees, her fingers intertwined with each other. There was a long period of silence between the two of them, the battery quietly purring against the stillness that settled over them. He silently questioned her, trying his best to read her body language and when that failed him, he finally opted to asking, "Shepard, is everything all right?"

He'd watched as her shoulders slumped, her head falling into a bow as she sighed, resembling much like a balloon being deflated. She hadn't given him a response. From his point of view, the commander looked defeated, tired. It was something he wasn't expecting from her, and it definitely caught him off guard. What was a turian to do? What was anyone to do when their commander came to them like this? He had hummed then, as if acknowledging that she just wanted to be near something-someone-familiar. And he didn't blame her, couldn't. He'd known what Cerberus had done to her, for her. An enemy they both aimed bullets at two years ago was now her ally, and the only people who believed her. She had been revived, brought back to life. Garrus had no objections and would pay Cerberus to do it again if it came down to it. Shepard didn't deserve to die like that.

That woman had been killed, brought back to life only to serve the people who she had just been previously fighting. And forced to wear their colors, their uniform. It was an insult. As if they were saying, _'Your own allies didn't even bother to look for your body, declared you dead and dismissed everything you just died for. Here's your old ship back, your life back, you just have to obey us now.'_ But she still wore that red stripe on her armor. A symbol of who she once was, who she hoped to still be. And that was something Cerberus could never take away from her. It meant too much.

"Do that again," she whispered suddenly, her quiet voice barely audible above the vibrations of the battery, but it rang like a bell to his ears.

"Shepard?" He voiced his concern, "Are you-"

"Please."

_Please_, she had whimpered, and it was a sound he definitely wouldn't have associated with her until then. It was such a broken sound, and he went from Officer Vakarian to Garrus Vakarian, the only remaining factor of a life she once lived. Garrus was at her side, crouching before her defeated form. Concern beginning to bubble in his chest when he caught that her eyes were closed, that her fingers were clenching tightly together, arms stiff as a board. He coughed off to the side, an attempt to gain her attention before he answered with, "Do what again, Shepard?"

"The noise. The hum. _Please._" She still hadn't turned up to look at him, but the cracking in her voice demanded that he did as asked. And not because she was his commander, but because she was his friend.

It... was an odd request, even he had to admit that, and it took him a minute to fully process it. But instead of questioning her, he had done what was asked of him. He had hummed once again, the noise itself sounding forced and awkward even to his ears. Was she making fun of him?

"You sound like a cat," she responded after a few short moments of silence, weak mirth in her voice, "It's relaxing to hear... reminds me of Earth." The woman took a deep breath, craning her neck to look up at the ceiling.

"Shepard," it was all he had to say, his question 'are you ok?' repeated in his tone.

Then she finally looked at him, her green eyes searching his blue. He still couldn't read her body language. Her eyes moved all over his face, lingering on his bandage that helped hide his facial scars. There was something that flickered behind her emerald orbs then. Her facial expression wasn't empty, it was full of ...something. Something he couldn't recognize. She scoffed softly, "Have you ever felt..." The words died on her tongue, and she looked away.

She was certainly acting weird. What was wrong?

Again silence had found its way around them. Garrus, at a loss of what to do. Shepard, unresponsive to his concern for her. But then she moved her head, placing her hands on the edge of the crate she sat upon, "Sorry, that was out of line." She scooted away from him and moved to stand. He followed her movement, standing up with her to show that she had his full attention. But her emerald orbs drifted to the floor, and the turian had even followed her downcast view, trying to see whatever it was that she saw there but couldn't. Then, as he stared at the random spot on the floor, she had taken a step away from him and toward the door, "Garrus," she said softly, "You're about the only thing that's keeping me... here." And just like that, she was gone.

Garrus hadn't slept that night. He remembered the restlessness her words had brought him then. It was the first time he saw his commander as a woman. In that shortly lived moment, that woman who had sighed defeated wasn't Commander Shepard. She was just Shepard. And it was he that she had sought out that night. Expecting what? Her walls were down, unguarded. She was truly vulnerable. No gun in her hand, no barrier up, no armor. Just a woman. A woman who was searching for comfort. It was comfort she was searching for that night, wasn't she? Why else go to him? Why else show that side of her to anyone?

And he even remembered how she acted as if nothing happened the following morning. Their next encounter she had been Commander Shepard again. The fearless leader taking on the collectors, building a team out of the most dangerous people in the universe. And she was their leader, what did that say about her? She was strong, impenetrable, determined. The complete opposite of what he saw in the room of the main battery. That mask she wore impressed the whole galaxy. She was unbeatable. Unbreakable. What would everyone think if they saw her broken like that? Lose faith? Enough people doubted her already, she didn't need those who actually believed her words to turn against the Normandy and its pursuit.

But it was too late for him, he had already seen what was beneath that demeanor. And if it weren't for that night, he wouldn't have known there was another side to her. He would have been one of billions who were deceived by that demeanor. Hypnotized by her strength that he had overlooked her weaknesses. Believed she didn't have any. Who was she when she was alone in her cabin? That moment of weakness he saw in her that night, was that her every night? Alone? Did she cry? What did she do? She had given him a glimpse, and now he had craved for more. He wanted to truly know Shepard, the woman who wore dog tags and laced up combat boots as well as the woman who came to him that night and whispered _'please' _to him. He was her friend, after all. _I'll be here if you need me_, it's what he had always told her. Had she needed him that night?

And he wondered how to approach her, if he even should. He should, shouldn't he? After all, it was his business now. She made it his. But if she wasn't acknowledging the incident, would he be pushing boundaries by bringing it up? It had been three days since that night she had fallen in front of him. There were so many questions with no answers lingering in his head. During the mission with Sidonis, she had saved his soul from being eclipsed by the darkness that had swallowed him back on Omega. Had opened his eyes again, showed him that he had somehow blurred the lines between justice and revenge. She had said something to him that was... Well, it made a crack in his hardened shell. It woke him up. Kept him from pulling that trigger.

_This isn't you, either._

He was blinded by revenge at the time, the words hadn't hit him until now. And a very noticeable frown took shape on his mouth. At the time of this realization, he was eating in the mess hall with Zaeed. The mercenary was talking about something Garrus had previously taken interest in until her words penetrated his train of thought. Anything Massani said after those four words echoed in his head had gone unheard.

Zaeed noticed the change in Garrus, he lifted an eyebrow before he tried to gain the turian's attention, "God damn, Garrus," He started, his raspy voice encased within whatever accent it was that he had, "You look like you forgot to take your damn tampon out."

"Tampon?" Garrus questioned suddenly, confusion obvious in his voice as he turned his attention from his fork to the mismatched pair of eyes that belonged to the fellow sniper. What was a tampon? Whatever it was, there were more important issues pressing for his attention. The turian shook his head, not caring for whatever Zaeed had to say after that. He looked around. Where was Shepard? Alone? Standing above six foot, the turian stood, "I gotta go," he muttered, grabbing his plate and placed it into the sink before he embarked on a journey to search for the missing commander.

He had asked Kasumi if she had seen the woman in question, the little thief knew just about everything that happened on the ship so he might as well start with her. That damn cloaking device she had obtained was definitely handy, even if it did make him paranoid and second guess every corner he passed by. But she had shook her head at his inquiries, saying something about seeing the commander last talking with Joker. He headed to the elevator then, and it pinged an arrival to the current floor just as he rounded the corner. He planned to board the cabin to take it up to the CIC, but his plans changed once he saw who was inside. And before she could step off, he had stalked her like prey and entered the cabin. She had almost bumped into him as he stepped in front of her, Shepard furrowed her brow at him. Garrus pressed the button that demanded the doors to close before she could protest, "Garrus, what are you-"

"That wasn't you either," he muttered to her sternly.

His blue eyes pierced her to the floor. He was unwavering in his stance, obviously wanting a response from her. But she couldn't bring herself to face it just yet, "What are you-"

"The night you came to me, Shepard. _Begged _me." He cut her off, leaning closer to her. It was an act unbecoming of a subordinate as he trapped her there, hands gripping onto the railing on either side of her to prevent any evasion she might try, but he didn't care. At this moment, titles were tossed onto the floor, irrelevant to what he needed to speak to her about. He was speaking to her as a friend. A very concerned friend.

She remained silent for awhile, shock obvious in her eyes. Shepard wasn't expecting him to be so aggressive toward her. Not to his commanding officer. She tried to side step him, but bumped into his arm. The touch of him had been unexpected, and she huffed her annoyance, but not because the feel was unpleasant. She stood as tall as she could, defiance in the squaring of her shoulders, "I did not beg," the woman defended as her arms crossed over her chest.

"You _whimpered_," he countered her, his voice straining as if he was trying not to raise his voice against her stubbornness. She could lead a team to face a barrage of bullets, but couldn't find the strength in her to face her feelings.

She sighed heavily, letting her head drop as her left hand went to rub her temples, forfeiting her plan to escape his interrogation with a frustrated growl, "Look. I was... I had been drinking with Dr. Chakwas."

"You were drunk?" He asked, un-moving.

She shook her head.

"Then what, Shepard?"

No answer.

"Shepard," He warned, his eyes narrowing at her.

The elevator pinged once again, someone on the outside was trying to get on and the mechanical doors began to open but the turian was quick to press the button again. She grew annoyed with his persistence, "I don't know," she said finally, trying to place authority in her voice without being loud enough for whoever it was waiting out there to hear.

Another heavy sigh fell from her lips, "What do you want me to say, Garrus? I wasn't drunk, but I wouldn't have done what I did if I hadn't been drinking with Dr. Chakwas."

That was still the commander talking, and his apparent frown darkened, "That's it, huh?" He asked, as if offended.

Again the elevator pinged, but he pressed the 'close door' button again, this time jamming his thumb harder against the command as his frustration with her grew.

"...What I said..." She said softly, her head lifting to meet his eyes, her hand falling away from her face, "It was the truth. I just... I just wish I hadn't said them out loud."

There. That was what he was looking for. His blue eyes watched her for a moment, as if trying to judge her sincerity. He must have been satisfied with whatever it was that he saw because he went and pressed a button on the console, ordering the elevator to descend. He moved from standing in front of her to beside her, looking at the elevator door. Well, now what? He hadn't thought much past this point. But he was a solider, and the only thing he knew how to do when thought escaped him, when time was too short for strategy, was to charge forward and pray that his instincts were trustworthy.

When the elevator pinged and the doors opened, Shepard could tell they were on the engineering deck of the Normandy. This deck served mostly for the engine of the ship, but there were a few spare personal quarters for those who were bothered when surrounded by too many people. Garrus being one of them. Her eyes questioned the turian, but he simply walked off the elevator and invited her to follow him with an inclination of his head. And she did just that. She let him lead her to his personal quarters, the one furthest away from the traffic of the deck.

He opened the door for her and she entered the room quietly, probably the only spot on the ship that she hadn't been before. It was empty, and white. Hardly any personal possessions aside from the obvious weapons and armor that were neatly piled away in a corner. There was nothing to personalize the area. It was all bare and empty. She remembered him having more possessions last time he was aboard, but refrained from asking him.

"...I wanted to talk," he started, scratching the back of his head, "Just, uh, not in public."

Shepard stood there awkwardly in his room, obviously unsure of what to do with herself in this situation. But her shoulders relaxed and she fell back to the one thing she knew like the back of her hand, "Is there something bothering you, Garrus?" Ah, there it was. Commander Shepard.

"Shepard," he started, "_I_ wouldn't be here if it weren't for _you_."

And she knew exactly what he meant. The damn turian was referring to what she had said to him last that night, "I never wanted you to see that." Again, he watched as her emerald eyes drifted to the floor. He didn't know much about human body language, but he could tell she was feeling guilty. Ashamed? He wanted to know.

"To see what? " He asked.

"That... part of me." She clarified, her voice losing its strength for those four words to spill out before she was able to gather herself again. She cleared her throat, finally looking up to meet his eyes, "It's... unbecoming of anyone with my rank to show weakness in front of subordinates. It brings doubt." The authority was back in her tone, in her posture as her back straightened. As if she was trying to convince herself.

"Subordinate? Really, Shepard?" They'd been through too much for her to be calling him that so casually. He may not have been there when the Normandy was destroyed, when she died, but he was still a part of the crew. He had been there to help defeat Sovereign.

Her eyes faltered from his, slowly lowering to watch the floor, "We have been through a lot, haven't we?"

"Look, Shepard... you're the only friend I have left. Seeing you like that... It didn't make me doubt you. It made me worry for you." All his chips were on the table with that. He spoke exactly what he was thinking. No humor, no jokes. Just truth.

"I'm a big girl, Vakarian, I can handle myself." She fell back onto humor because that was the only thing she knew how to sculpt with him.

"Don't think I don't see you, Shepard." He warned, leaning against the frame of his door. _You were killed. You died. You went from being a loyal Alliance solider, to working with Cerberus, a known enemy of the Council and the Alliance. I know you're not OK. _Dare he say that to her? She already knew it, why rub it in her face? He sighed, "I meant it when I said I'll be here if you need me." He'd rather not force her to talk about something she wasn't ready to. Wanted to, rather.

She smiled at that, "I know, Garrus. That's why I was there."

And again silence had enveloped them. He wasn't sure if her answer had satisfied him or not, but whether or not it did, the bottom line had been drawn. She knew he would always be there - here - and that was good enough for him. He cleared his throat awkwardly, offering his bed for her to sit down on as he took his place on the chair beside it. Having a conversation with her while they stood seemed too formal for him. He caught the tiniest hint of a smirk on those lips of hers, and it made him wonder why it was there. Was she laughing at him? He shook his head, his mandibles pinching closer to his mouth to hide the embarrassed smile that he couldn't hide. Well, at least she took his offer and sat down on the edge of his bed.

He heard her grunt, pressing her hand into his mattress and a frown took her lips, "Your's is softer than mine." She muttered, almost jealous.

"You're, uhh... More than welcome to take it." He answered a bit too quickly for it to sound as smooth as he had hoped it would. He hadn't really been using it much these past couple of nights anyways.

She laughed, "I might just do that."

There was the silence once again. However, it had become a comfortable one this time. He assumed it was anyways, at least a bit relaxing if not comforting. Why else would she sink further onto his bed, leaning back on her arms? He realized then that he very much enjoyed being around her like this, when her guard was down. She was... almost cute? No, no, no... cute and Shepard weren't words that even sounded right being used in the same sentence. Whatever it was, he found it charming. She looked aloof, sitting there with her legs crossed, her green eyes looking up at the ceiling. So vulnerable. He felt an overwhelming wave of trust hit his chest, his mandibles flexing with pride in himself. Pride that he had someone who trusted him so explicitly. And not just anyone, but Commander Shepard of all people.

"Garrus," Her voice was diffused from its usual sharp edges to a sound of contentment.

He brought his eyes to her, now noticing that she had caught him staring. He looked away sharply, embarrassed.

"Garrus," She repeated, trying to gain his attention.

He looked at her again, his blue meeting her green. Watching her, he saw her eyes once again find their way to his bandage. Again, there was a flicker of emotion behind those bright eyes. But unlike the last time, he was able to read it this time as fear. Guilt, maybe. Whatever it was, it wasn't good.

"Does it still hurt?" She asked, finally giving her thoughts a voice. She sat upward, her fingers fidgeting nervously with each other.

"Nah," He answered, sitting back against the chair. He moved his hand up to the bandage, his fingers playing with the edges of the material, "It stopped hurting a few days after."

"I'm glad I got to you in time," She blurted. Sounding as if she was forcing herself to say the words now or they'll never be spoken again.

"That makes two of us, Shepard." He answered honestly.

She shook her head, straightening her back and looked him directly in his eyes. "I mean it, Garrus. I-I don't know what I would have done if I arrived too late. I can't... fathom the idea of seeing your... your corpse." She swallowed hard as those last two words slipped past her lips.

He parted his mouth to say something, but she was quick to cut him off. There were tears in her eyes, not yet falling and probably only because she was willing them not to.

"I've lost everyone." She admitted, dropping her gaze and hanging her head. And there was a faint whisper from her that sounded much like the word_ 'again'_ before a sob finally broke free from her lungs.

His eyes widen then, he remembered the stories he had heard from Kaiden about Shepard's time in Akuze. She'd been the lone survivor then. Had lost every single one of her teammates, watched them all die as she fought for her life. Who had she lost then? A lover? Best friend? Family? And it had almost happened again on the Normandy. Only almost everyone else had survived the attack, and she had been the one to die. _You're about the only thing that's keeping me... here. _The sentence echoed in his head, finally grasping the full meaning of her words. He was frozen, completely stupefied by the unexpected confession. How had this thought eluded him for so long? His mandibles flared with anger in himself, it was so selfish of him not to notice it beforehand. He heard her calling his name once more through the haze of his thoughts and his attention didn't falter away from her. He moved to the bed, sitting next to the woman who had started crying on his bed.

And she latched onto him the instant the weight of the bed shifted next to her. Her fingernails scraping against the armor around his arms, her forehead pressing against his chest. She cried.

What he knew of comforting humans was very limited. Sure his human co-workers back in C-sec often complained about their significant others, coming up with plans together on ways to cheer up the spouses so they could sleep in the bedroom again. But Garrus never took notes and usually turned the other way when those conversations popped up. He only knew how to comfort turians, and even then he didn't know how to do it properly. But he had to do _something_.

He slouched over to lower his head and very softly licked her cheek as gently as he could, testing his boundaries like a cautious puppy would. He waited for a reaction afterwards. A possible recoil, a cry of disgust. But she only turned her head to give him better access. It was an odd reaction to witness in a human, accepting his behavior even though he knew her species weren't the type to lick each other. And since she didn't reject him, he repeated the action, but this time with more confidence. He lapped at the salty tears that dampened her cheeks.

And when she didn't recoil from that either, he lifted a hand to cup her chin, gently guiding her attention to him so she faced him. And she allowed him to lead her. When their eyes met, the pain he saw buried beneath the green hues crushed his soul. His mandibles twitched with concern, flattening against his mouth. He watched as she pinched her bottom lip between her teeth to conceal the sobs and he lowered his head once more. His tongue lapped up the tears. The taste so alien but not at all displeasing. His hands went from holding her chin to cupping either side of her face as he dried up anything that dared to taint her face. And he didn't stop until her cheeks were dry. Until her sobs had been oppressed. When he pulled away to look at her, what he saw in her eyes had his stomach turning upside down.

She whispered his name brokenly, her hands lifting to place themselves on top of his, which were currently holding her head tenderly.

There were still some tears clinging to her bottom lashes but she looked absolutely beautiful. And in that moment, he was just a man and she was just a woman. He saw past the physical features that made their species so different; human, turian... it didn't matter. She had blossomed into something beautiful and it scared the living hell out of him.


	2. Chapter Two: There's a Fire Inside

I forgot to mention that this takes place during ME2. During the process of writing this, I had full intention of making this a one-shot. However, as I started getting ready to publish it, I decided to go along and make it into a short story. That is why, before this update, there was a line mentioning Legion in the first chapter. For the sake of the timeline, I had to edited that line out only because this takes place just shortly before the Horizon mission during ME2 and they've yet to come across our favorite geth.

With that being said, here's an update I hope you all find pleasing.

**Chapter 2: There's a Fire Inside**

* * *

The first thing that came to mind as she woke up was that her cheeks were burning. Second, was that the ceiling she was currently staring at was not her own. And that was because she had fallen asleep with Garrus in his cabin. And it felt like a flimsy piece of a reality she could not find herself believing. It was just all too surreal for her, but she knew this was not a dream. She really did fall asleep in Garrus's cabin. With him. She fell asleep with Garrus. In his cabin. On his bed. Why wasn't she panicking like she should be? This certainly wasn't within regulations, but she had to remind herself that she was no longer a part of the Alliance, regulations didn't count here.

Shepard wasn't sure what to expect of him when coming to him for support. She wouldn't really say she sought him out intentionally. After she and Dr. Chakwas shared some brandy, her thoughts were some place outside the Normandy. Her feet carried her, and she'd somehow ended standing at the main battery's door. And she stood there for who knows how long before finally stepping close enough for the senors to pick her up and opened the door. And when they revealed the turian standing behind them, she almost started crying right then and there. The important part was that he hadn't turned her away when she did cry in front of him, didn't try to take advantage of her either. He had been her friend in her heaviest time of need. And there weren't enough words in the English language to express her thanks. She needed to find a way to thank him in a turian kind of way. But later, right now, she just wanted the burning on her face to go away.

Shepard recalled the touch of his tongue against her cheek. Of course the feel of something warm and slick gracing her face had been unexpected, but the surprise was worn away after she'd discovered that the act was actually pleasant. Her hand went to caress one of her burning cheeks. It wasn't what she was expecting at all, not that she was expecting anything or even had an idea of what to expect, but the texture had been surprising; it was smooth, very soft, but also thick. Unlike anything she'd ever felt before. It felt good and that was all she could think of to describe it. The first feel of it had certainly been startling, but she could tell that his intentions had been amiable by how hesitant he was to introduce her to the act. And she was in no position to push him away, especially after he had just been so accepting toward her. The whole situation was bizarre, but it was completely normal for him, wasn't it?

The strange thing about it, was that the brushes of his tongue actually managed to help sooth her. As if every lick purified the darkness that was threatening her.

She turned her head to look at the turian resting behind her only to discover that he was already awake, and that those blue eyes had been staring at her. Seeing him back on Omega, he was like a stranger. There was a bitter fire behind those blue orbs of his. She could tell he had been through some terrible incident and was rapidly losing his faith in life. He had turned into a calloused male with a strong opinion on what justice was and how it should be served. But now, as she lay next to him, her head facing him, he looked entirely different. Back into the familiar Garrus who was so eager to help her prove just how deep Saren had betrayed the Council.

_I don't know what to do with grey_, she remembered him saying. He was learning how to handle 'what' in a very difficult way.

"You okay?" His voice was so very light, feathering into the silence around them.

She remained silent for the most part, letting her eyes roam around his face in observance. He looked tired. He'd been up all night, hadn't he? Watching her back like he always did. She suddenly felt very guilty, and very selfish for not thinking of his needs. Everyone needed sleep, some form of it at least. Yet, she'd kept him up. Shepard hesitated a moment before answering with, "I will be." Her tone was barely above whisper too, just loud enough for him to hear.

There was a foggy memory of Garrus shedding his armor to be in his under suit, but the image itself was a bit too fuzzy for her to rely on it. And she wouldn't allow herself to believe it to be true, if she remembered correctly, Shepard could hear herself begging him not to leave her alone. That image needed to be erased. Now. Shepard turned to lay on her side so that their bodies faced one another and she noticed then that he was indeed down to his under armor. Her tongue slipped among her teeth and she bit down. Something to stop the blush threatening her cheeks, whether it was from embarrassment or not was another story.

He hadn't said anything passed affirming her state of mind. Shepard looked down between their bodies. His left arm tucked underneath her, feeling the shape of it as she focused more. Had they been... spooning? They were lying on top of a twin sized bed which was standard military issue, so it wasn't big enough for the both of them to lie there comfortably without invading each other's personal space. And Garrus didn't seem the type to sleep anywhere but on his bed. Her cheeks burned despite her attempts to hold the blush at bay. Here's hoping that the burning came with a little redness. But, her belly warmed at the vision of Garrus holding her as she cried herself to sleep. No one had done that for her before. Then again, she never really cried in front of anyone before either. But Garrus didn't run away. He remained there, dauntless in his chase to bring her comfort.

Garrus couldn't quite name the feeling running through his entire being as he woke up to her. They were in an embrace that had been loosened by sleep, and he wasn't sure if he should have allowed them to fall sleep on the same bed, but he couldn't find the strength in him to leave her . She'd cried herself to sleep in his arms, it would have been an insult to her if she woke up alone. He certainly wouldn't have wanted to be alone after such a tearful event either. Leaving her alone after she confided in him was no better than rejecting her the moment he saw the tears. And Shepard deserved someone who would always be there for her no matter what.

He'd been awake for hours after she'd succumbed to the lulls of exhaustion. She fell asleep sitting upward, leaning against him. And he had just enough mind left to realize that he was still wearing his armor. He remembered how her grip around his arms tightened when he began to stand up. She protested his leave through her sleepy haze, even if he wasn't going to be long at all.

_Please don't go._

_I'm not leaving, Shepard. _

And she released the death grip on his forearm just so he could remove his armor so that they could fit better on his bed; he certainly didn't have a couch to sleep on and wasn't about to ask Kasumi if he could borrow the one in her room. He circled around his bed after dressing down to his under armor, he pulled the sheets off the bed and gently ushered her to lie back. He threw the sheets over her, knowing that his room had the habit of growing cold during the night and took his rightful spot next to her on top of the covers. She was out the instant her head hit the pillow. And he wasn't quite sure what to think when the red head curled up next to him, but he managed to convince himself that it was probably her body unconsciously seeking warmth. So he threw his arm over her waist and slipped one under her torso, if it was body heat she was seeking, he had plenty.

In those moments, he thought about what had just happened between them. There was nothing sexual in the way they occupied his bed. It was all platonic. The only thing that changed was that the trust they now placed in each other had been upped ten fold, and that he was now aware of how beautiful his commanding officer was. He couldn't blame Kaiden for falling for her, nor Liara for being so fascinated by her. He acknowledged the fact that he had never been the one to lick away the tears on a turian woman's face, was a bit concerned at how quick he was actually to perform the act when the crying woman in front of him, was in fact, a human. And then there was the scent of her. He didn't know enough about human fragrances to pinpoint what it was, but the smell was so feminine. During their introduction, her scent was just as generic as any other human he'd encountered. But now he concluded that the smell held meaning to him, he was able to admit that it was most definitely precious.

There was pride, he couldn't mistake the vast amounts of pride rattling his bones in his success to calm her, to quell her demons, he'd truly been her archangel. But there was also something unidentifiable coursing through his blood at the same time, something that was very foreign to him. One thing was for sure, he found it venerating to be the one who she trusted enough to watch over her as she slept. But even now, he couldn't deny just how beautiful he found her. Their eyes met for the first time since waking up, and he just now barely noticed the freckles across the bridge of her nose and cheek bones, which he thought was just too damn adorable to deny any longer.

"I'm sorry," She whispered, afraid to disturb the peace that wrapped around them so naturally. Unlike last time when she apologized to him, she was able to keep eye contact.

Garrus was the one to look away this time as he noticed the redness on her cheeks, "I'm not." He silently lifted his hand away from her waist to investigate the apparent burn marks, "Shepard, what is this?" He asked. The arm under her slithered out to prop himself back on his elbow as the other went to hold her head still as he inspected the marks.

She flinched when his thumb traced a path along one of the burns, "I'm not sure," She answered, remaining where she was as Garrus hovered over her as he inspected her face, "They're sore, though."

He pulled his hand back from her when she flinched. He didn't mean to hurt her, but he needed to know why her face was turning red. He had licked her there last night. Just how supple was her flesh? Had he misjudged its strength? Had his contact been too rough for her? Granted, turian hide and human skin were on two different levels, that was something he should have considered before pulling the trigger. Maybe licking her hadn't been the right choice after all, but he couldn't recall hearing any protests from the woman in his bed. In fact, he could have sworn she actually encouraged it. And how, deep inside, he actually enjoyed the feel of her soft skin against his tongue. Spirits knew how hard he tried to deny that he actually savored the taste of her. Come to think of it, his tongue was a bit swollen, but he paid no mind to it. His concern over Shepard outweighed his own, "Does this usually happen when humans cry?"

Once those words spilled from his mouth, he immediately regretted them. They sounded calloused to his ears but before he could correct himself, Shepard had began to sit up. He feared she was leaving until she pressed her fingers against her cheeks, "Not really," She responded, wincing at the pain, "Then again, I don't really spend much time crying," Her smile was rather sheepish then.

The weight on the bed shifted once more as Garrus stood up and walked over to the desk lamp. A soft click and the room lit up with a soft amber hue. That was when Shepard realized they had been lying there in the dark together. It was an intimate gesture, she realized. But she hadn't been thinking along those lines whenever it considered Garrus. He was her best friend, and she would be a fool not to notice it now.

"Here," He said softly, offering his hand to her.

She accepted it, and the turian helped her to her feet, leading her to his bathroom. Once the doors opened, they stepped inside and the lights automatically flickered on for them. Garrus held onto her hand has he lead her farther into the room, snatching a small hand towel from the metal hang rack above the toilet with his free hand. She watched him turn the warm water on, circling around only for a moment as he ran a corner of the towel under the warm water. When the water shut off, he was facing her once more with a look in his eyes that made her very nervous.

He offered the towel to her and she took it from him, thanking him before pressing the cotton against her burning skin. The warmness of it all helped sooth the pain, but as she stood there staring at the dripping water from his closed faucet, her mind began to drift away from the caring turian in front of her and back to the demons that pushed her even farther into the darkness. Her mind was suddenly flooded by a whole different kind of pain as she remembered why the turian had been comforting her in the first place. And she tried so hard to keep the sudden turmoil in her hidden. But, either he was really good at reading body language or that what she felt running down her cheeks was not excess water from the towel, because he had placed a hand on her hip and pulled her to him.

He whispered her name, but she could barely hear him as Ashley's voice yelled at her to go save Kaiden; that someone had to ensure that the bomb went off. A sob, her fingers grew numb, the towel fell from her grasp. Her hands lifted to cover her face. And her own voice yelling at Kaiden to save the others as the flames grew stronger, hotter. It was all so fresh in her mind. As if it happened only yesterday, because that's exactly what it felt like. Then Joker yelling for her as they got separated. The feeling of her lungs drying up from the lack of air. How her head felt like it was about to explode. And then how everything went black. Waking up to Miranda's face, as if she'd only been asleep.

She was crying again, and it killed him. He could only imagine what she was going through, what she thought about. He watched silently as her hands went to cover her face, and he frowned, not even for a second would he fancy of the idea of her hiding. The turian reached out gently to wrap his talons around her wrist, gingerly pulling her hands away from her head to replace it with his own as he cupped the side of her face like he had last night. He guided her head to look up at him.

Shepard let her hands fall away when she felt his touch. He tightened his hold around the woman in his arms, pulling her even closer as he nuzzled the crying woman. He would lick the tears away again if he wasn't afraid of inducing more pain on her. He was beginning to hate seeing those trails of water, but only because he knew they meant pain. His nostrils flared when he took in a breath to calm himself, the smell of her delighted him so much that he started to purr. At first he hadn't realized he was doing it, but he remembered his mother doing the same when he was just a child so it had to be right.

Her green eyes widen, her cries came to a slow death when she heard him growl low in his chest. It wasn't quite like a purr coming from a cat, it was deeper sounding and definitely more masculine. But it calmed her almost instantly. She was then aware of his left arm holding her steady from her waist. Her heart was pounding against her chest. He was so warm. There was a sudden wave of bliss that washed over her and she relaxed in his hold. Shepard was very still before returning the embrace as her own arms went to wrap around him.

There was silence between them, but no space. She held onto him, and him to her. The pain of her cheeks forgotten as she was overcome with the peace he granted her. He defeated her demons once more, and she smiled to herself at the idea of him living up to his alias on Omega. Time became an unknown factor as they simply held onto one another, she just knew that her life had never felt so secured before in her life. She had never felt so safe. It was something she wasn't used to feeling, but was more than willing to welcome it with open arms. She could spend the whole day here with him just like this.

Finally, Garrus pulled back from the embrace just far enough to look at her. He didn't ask her anything but his eyes said it all. He was so concerned, and it warmed her heart to see it; to have a friend like him who she could depend on, lean on.

He pulled himself away from her even farther but just long enough to retrieve the towel that she had dropped. And instead of returning it to her, he gently pressed the warmth of the wet fabric against her red cheeks himself as she looked up at him. Her green eyes more vibrant than before, more alive than any other moment since being reunited with her. He forced himself to focus on the task, because there was something odd happening to his stomach when he saw from his peripherals that she had closed her eyes and sighed. Again pride began to swell in his chest and he had to control his mandibles from flaring to express it. But he also had to try to figure out why he was suddenly very nervous and aware of how fast his own turian heart was pounding in his chest.

Despite the inner turmoil boiling in his head, Garrus continued to dab the towel against the redness on her cheeks until she opened those bright green eyes of hers to stare at him. There was something hidden behind her eyes again, and Garrus never wanted to be able to read human body language as bad as he wanted to in that moment.

"Sorry," She whispered quietly, dropping her arms from around him to take a step back, rubbing at her eyes. Seemingly having gotten her emotions back under control.

Garrus only nodded his head in forgiveness, letting her retreat so he could drop the towel in the sink, "Better?" he asked her just as softly after he turned back around to face her.

And just as she went to answer, to thank him, his comm pinged from the desktop on top of his desk. It went off twice, but he hadn't moved to answer it. He remained rooted to the ground, leaning back against the sink as he crossed his arms over his chest, looking at her expectantly. It rang off once more and she took a glimpse back to his room before looking back at him, "Are you gonna-"

"There is something more important than a missed call standing in my way."

She blinked at him, his words leaving her speechless.

"Shepard," He started, exhaling heavily, "I can't just leave without knowing you're going to be okay."

A smile he hadn't seen before blossomed on her face, it let up her eyes, "I'll be fine, Garrus."

He lifted an eyebrow ridge at her.

"Promise," She added, almost amused.

He stared at her for a half of a second longer before leaving to go answer his comm.

* * *

She wasn't sure what to make of what happened between she and Garrus the other night, and the following morning was no different. In the past few days, a lot has happened that should be taking her attention, but she couldn't take her mind off Garrus. Everything she did somehow ended with thoughts of the turian. From cleaning her weapons to configuring her barriers. Azure eyes staring back at her when she lay her head down to sleep. And the licking. The feel of his tongue. Everything was platonic, there were no hidden intentions but to comfort, that was clear. But somehow, it had been more intimate than anything else she'd ever done while sharing a bed with a male.

She sat up in bed and forced herself to focus. _Okay, Shepard, there are other pressing matters. You are not some high school girl with a crush. You command a stealth ship, and there are lives hanging over your shoulders. You have absolutely no time to think about anything else but the mission._

In recent events, they got a lead on the collectors and traced them to a colony on Horizon. Mordin's counter measure had been a success and they were able to attack the enemy head on without any interruptions from the seeker swarms. Unfortunately, they weren't able to save the entire colony, but they did manage to rescue at least half of the civilians. Not that they were thankful for the act anyway. They confirmed it was the collectors, and EDI proved to be a very valuable asset. In the end, it was the collectors who retreated and that was a victory in her eyes.

She had gone through the entire mission without seeing his face until those last fleeting moments. She knew he was there, the Illusive Man made that clear in the debriefing. But words couldn't explain the wave of relief that washed over her at seeing him. He hadn't been taken. But he pulled her into an embrace, and she accepted. But at the mention of Cerberus, his tune changed and she was suddenly his enemy.

_You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed me._

She had never seen anything burn as fast as that. His words hit her, and she was not ready to hear them. How could he be so cold toward her?

_Kaiden, you know me_. She tried to defend herself, tried to salvage some of the damage. Begged him to open his eyes and trust her. _I'd only do this for the right reasons._

But either he hadn't forgiven her for rejecting him the night before Ilos, or that he was truly convinced she was a traitor. Garrus even spoke up as he stepped in and defended her from Kaiden's oral assault. But the loyal Alliance soilder was having none of it. The look in his eyes defined his disgust. He was_ disgusted_ with her, and so, he walked away from them. Claimed that she turned her back on him, on her beliefs, when it was he who was doing just that. The collectors were in league with the reapers, if the husks didn't confirm that, she didn't know what did. Kaiden wasn't listening! Her frustration with him grew to a dangerous level and so she snapped back at him. Succumbed to the anger and warned him that the Council would never believe him, that they'd blame Cerberus just like he was.

She regretted it now, but damn did it feel good to say at first. And as bad as his words hurt her, discovering that he was set there to follow a lead on Cerberus had been surprising. And so, when she connected with the Illusive Man after boarding the Normandy, she hadn't been surprised to find out that he had used Kaiden as a pawn to lure the collectors. And it frightened her, having the attention of such a dangerous enemy. They were desperate enough to attack the people she cared for, and because of that, a lot of people were getting hurt. So she warned him never to do it again.

After giving her thanks to both EDI and Mordin, Shepard headed to her cabin. There, she took her boots and socks off, changed into a white tank top that had the 'N7' logo on the right side of her chest and a pair of black boy shorts. During Horizon, it was close to evening but it was already midnight in zulu hours. She had every intention to fall asleep, but there was something very turian that kept her awake. Under her covers, her mind couldn't stay away from Garrus. Shouldn't she be more concerned about Kaiden? About the collectors? Or even doing research on the new dossiers that were sent to her?

There was a soft knock on her door, and she bolted up right to sit up. Her eyes scanned the clock on her nightstand, it had only been thirty minutes since she last checked. Who could possibly be knocking on her door at this hour?

"Shepard?" The muffled voice hit her, and he didn't need to say his name for her to recognize who it was, "It's me, uh, Garrus."

There was something in his voice that sounded needy. That, or she was just hearing things. But she welcomed him in and the doors hissed open through the quiet. She heard his foot steps entering her room before he rounded the corner from her door to her small office space. His eyes scanned the small area, noting her datapads and the small earth hamster that she insisted calling a "space hamster" instead. He remembered when she bought it on the citadel the day they went to meet with Anderson.

_"What are you going to do with a hamster, Commander?"_

_"It's a _space hamster_, Garrus!" She said it like the response solved all the questions in the universe._

Then, he was staring at her, and Shepard wasn't sure if turians could blush, but she'd imagine that his look would mean that he was. Especially when he turned his head sharply to observe her fish, "Shepard, I can," He coughed, a hand went to fiddle with something along the collar of his under suit, "Come back when, uh... you're proper?"

Her face had never been redder. She'd completely forgotten her state of undress and blushed furiously, pulling the blankets over her chest and buried her head into the material.

He turned around completely, giving her a sense of privacy. He heard the rustling of her sheets the patter of her feet rushing on the metal floor of her cabin and a few drawers opening and slamming shut. He heard her mumble an apology before she cleared her throat for him to turn back around. She was standing awkwardly next to one of her couches, holding her hand out in offering for him to sit down. He noticed she was still barefoot, and for the first time in his life, he saw a naked human foot. He found the look of them to be oddly cute. At least Shepard's were, they were small and dainty.

He took her offering and sat down next to the arm rest. She took a seat on the coffee table in front of the sofa. She sat so that one of her feet were tucked under the back of her knee while the other had been kept flat on the floor, "There something bothering you, Garrus?"

He looked up at her, she was wearing an all black hoodie and matching sweat pants now. He searched her eyes, gauging something before he took in a deep breath and let it out steadily, "Yeah, I wanted to... address something."

"Okay," She answered, something in her voice sounded nervous.

"About that night in my room?"

"Oh." She was definitely nervous.

He sat forward, resting his elbows against his knees, his eyes dropping to look at the floor, "I need to know if-" He stopped himself, his mandibles lowered in a frown, "What are your-" He was struggling to speak what he thought. He'd be lying if he said that he wasn't nervous himself, "What exactly-"

"Garrus," She said suddenly, sliding her foot out from under her knee to rest on the floor. She angled her body to face him, "Is this good or bad?"

He met her eyes, "That depends on your reaction."

There was silence as they looked at each other. He was debating something in his head, and she could tell it left him conflicted. But he moved to sit at the edge of the couch, closer to her. He was reaching for her hand, her heart began to pound against her chest, "Garrus," His name fell from her lips in a breathless whisper. His talons wrapped around her wrist and gently encouraged her to move closer, and Shepard obeyed wordlessly.

"Shepard," He wrapped his arms around her, her eyes widen, her chin propped on his shoulder as he buried his head against her neck, into her hair. She heard him inhale, his grip tightened around her. There was the need she heard in his voice returning in his embrace. Did something happen? He was shaking, she noticed.

Before she could question what was wrong, Joker's voice hailed her over the intercom next to her computer, "Commander, are you there?"

Garrus released her almost instantly. Shepard hesitated, meeting his eyes for a moment before she stood and walked over to the computer, "Joker," She acknowledged through the comm.

"Commander, there's something you need to see."

By now, Garrus stood up and followed her, leaning against the wall of her bathroom and she lifted her eyes to watch him settle into his new spot, "Can't it wait?" She asked as their eyes met.

"No, not really, Commander. You need to get down here."

She was silent for a few seconds longer, "...Ok, I'll be there."

She ended the call as she stepped away from the computer, "Duty calls," She said regrettably, wanting nothing more than to continue their conversation. She fidgeted nervously with her fingers.

He chuckled, stepping from the wall and over to her. He lifted a hand to place it on her shoulder, "You know where to find me." His hand lingered there a second longer than it should have. She saw something flicker in his eyes before he turned to exit her room.

And when her doors closed, a breath of air she hadn't realized she was holding in left her lungs. But she didn't have time to dwell on what may or may not have just happened with Garrus. She could tell there was something important on is mind, and she wanted to investigate. However, when Joker said something was important at- her eyes looked to her clock- one in the morning, then it was important. As much as she wanted to stay, she knew better. Besides, Garrus wasn't going anywhere and neither was she.


	3. Chapter 3: The Pulse

Thanks for sticking with me, guys. Your reviews, follows and favorites definitely help give me the motivation to make this into an amazing story. I'll try my hardest not to disappoint!

**Chapter 3: The Pulse**

* * *

Through all his time aboard the Normandy, Garrus had quickly learned that there were two types of crazy: There was you-need-to-check-into-a-mental-ward crazy and Shepard crazy. And Commander Shepard, was definitely Shepard crazy. What could she possibly be thinking?! Was he the only one listening when Miranda said they were last known for experimenting on thorian creepers? Or when she let it slip that the compound had fallen off the grid almost half a year ago? Why in spirits name were they even considering this?!

"That low?" Shepard voice echoed in his head. His eyes flickered to her. She was standing at the head of the conference table, her left arm crossed under her chest and her right was bent at the elbow, her index finger and thumb holding her chin steady as her emerald eyes scanned the blueprint EDI projected for them.

Mordin confirmed with a nod of his head, "Not enough to upgrade Thanix Cannons, anyways. Cerberus hideout has plenty. Prefer to have bigger guns when face-to-face with the collectors myself."

"I gotta warn you, Commander," Jacob interrupted, he braced his hands on the edge of the table, his head looking through the hologram and straight to her, "We have no idea what's down there. The whole facility has gone dark, and the last reports we did receive from them were disturbing. Who knows what happened since then."

"We have no idea what's beyond the Omega relay either," She justified, "Besides, I'm with Mordin on this one."

"What exactly do you classify as 'disturbing', Operative Taylor?" Garrus spoke up from his little corner of the room. He straightened his posture and stretched out his neck before continuing, "Being with Cerberus, I can't imagine that a couple of dozen thorian creepers will disturb Cerberus the slightest bit." The sarcasm was literally dripping from his words.

Jacob sighed heavily, his eyes fixed to Miranda's and the woman simply shrugged her shoulders, "This facility's main priority was to focus on biology," She said casually.

"That translates into cloning for anyone with a brain cell," Jack interrupted, "And there are people in fucking mental wards just because they hear voices and fold origami. How the hell does Cerberus get away with this shit?"

"They went rogue," Miranda defended.

"I'll keep the tallies open." The fugitive shot back with venom.

The two glared at each other.

"Enough," Shepard's voice cut through the air like a knife, "What exactly do you two know?"

Garrus's eyes shot back to her, an image of her in sweat pants flashed in his head. Her tone was full of authority now, and no one in the room dared to object her words. He heard her breathless whisper of his name echo in his head. He still couldn't get over just how different she was, how good she was at keeping personal and business separate. He couldn't help but compare the two different versions of little red head he saw. And no one else knew that she liked to paint her toenails pink but him. His eyes scanned everyone standing in the room, feeling like he held the galaxy's most prized secret; the woman behind Commander Shepard.

Jacob sighed, pushing away from the table to cross his arms over his chest, "The last reports we received weren't from the man in charge. They were from the scientist under him."

"Solomon Grieves," Miranda took over, revealing information she obviously hadn't intended to give out and probably wouldn't have if Jacob hadn't spoken up, "He was the Illusive Man's favorite scientist, so he was put in charge. An egomaniac, even by my standards. According to the ones who worked there, he started to take volunteers; people who were willing to combine their DNA with the creepers'," She brought a hand up to cradle her forehead as her fingers massaged along her temples, frustration showed as she shook her head. There was a pause in her voice before she sighed and continued, "And they took that new form of DNA to make clones."

She activated her omni-tool, and began to play an audio recording. At first there was nothing but static, then someone in the recording started to breathe heavily, "I-if this gets out to anyone, please heed our warning and do not enter this facility," She was desperate, and obviously frightened. She spoke urgently but through a whisper, as if she was hiding somewhere. There were some loud crashes from the background and she cried out, "Oh, heavens, they found me!" There was glass shattering and the woman in the recording started yelling for whoever- whatever- it was in front of her to leave her alone. Nobody in the room could mistake the sound of a blade penetrating flesh. There was quiet, then a heavy thud. They heard her nails scrapping at the floor and a blood gurgling cry before her breaths finally died. Faintly, there were some ominous growls in the background before the audio cut off.

Miranda stood there, looking straight at Shepard, "That's the last we heard from them."

Shepard felt a chill run down her spine. Her eyes immediately went to Garrus, but the turian was all ready looking at her and the look she saw in those blue hues told her everything: If she were going through with the plan, he was going along with her and there was nothing she or anyone else could say or do to stop him.

Everyone had their eyes on the commander. It was obvious she was disturbed by the voice recording, but he knew she hadn't been swayed. There were two types of stubbornness as well. He knew she would still want to go down there. If not for the minerals, then to definitely put a stop to whatever it was that was down there.

"We have to go," Shepard said steadily.

"Are you fucking crazy?" Jack questioned as if Shepard grew a second head.

Garrus chuckled from his corner, shaking his head, "You haven't the slightest idea," There was a hint of amusement coming from him this time. Shepard could have sworn that there was something in his voice that whispered 'just like old times' as an image of she, Garrus, and Wrex running over thorian creatures in the mako flashed in her head. Wrex freaking out over Shepard's horrible driving skills. The chuckle was returned.

"EDI, are you picking anything up with the thermal scans?"

The projection in front of them transitioned into heat readings and everyone could see the multiple signatures hoarding in one area of the facility. EDI popped up just before the commander, "All seals and emergency exits have been sealed, within reason. We cannot allow an outbreak, Shepard. Once you enter the facility, we cannot ensure your exit until the compound has been quarantined."

Shepard nodded her head, "Noted. Everyone else, you're dismissed."

As the room cleared, Garrus never took his gaze off the commander. And when it was just the two of them, he approached her casually, "I don't suppose there's a chance of me persuading you not to go down there?"

She eyed him from the corner of her eyes, her focus still on the thermal image EDI kept projected, "It's not about the platinum anymore, Garrus," She turned her body to face him, pointed to the holo with her hand, "You heard that recording. Whatever's down there, it needs to be stopped."

He brought up a hand to rub a spot behind his fringe, "Well, whatever the case, I'm not letting you go there alone. Personally, I think we should pull a Cerberus and ignore the obvious danger all together. But orders are orders."

"Sounded to me like you volunteered, Gunnery Officer." There was a playful smirk on her lips, and he noticed that she was teasing him.

He hummed deep in his chest, taking a step closer to her, "I'm beginning to realize why," he whispered to her. He watched has her breath hitched in her throat, and his mandibles pulled into a smirk as he stepped away, "I'll meet you on the shuttle."

After Garrus cleared the room, Shepard remained for a few moments longer. She studied the blueprint, counting the exits, the number of rooms and kept an eye on those that contained heat signatures. She tapped her fingers against the table, "EDI, can you tell if any of these signatures are human? Are there survivors?"

"The data is too corrupt for me to determine which are human and which are not," The room went silent as EDI worked on the scans. The projection rotated and zoomed in to a corridor that appeared to be a dead end. Shepard lifted an eyebrow at the scan, remaining quiet until EDI spoke up, "Cerberus records indicate that there is a panic room here at the end of this corridor, Commander. If there are any survivors, it is likely they are here."

"Just think of it as any other routine sweep for survivors, Commander," Joker's voice peeked inside from the intercom, "Or one big game of Hide-and-Seek."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

When Shepard boarded the shuttle, she was surprised to see Miranda sitting on the bunker across from Garrus. The two were holding a conversation about the mission, Garrus mostly getting on the brunette's case about her choice in clothing when they were about the land on a snow planet. The red head smiled to herself as she remembered Garrus complaining about the cold during their time on Noveria.

They both greeted her when she stepped foot into the shuttle and she returned the gestures, "Miranda, I'd be lying if I said I was expecting you to come along."

Miranda sat forward, slouching over, "Cerberus invested a lot of our resources into bring you back, Commander. I'm here to make sure it doesn't go to waste."

Garrus grunted at that, as if to say 'like I'd let that happen.'

Miranda glanced at the turian before turning her attention back to Shepard, "I assume EDI mentioned the panic room?"

Shepard nodded her head.

"It's highly doubtful there are any survivors, Commander. The only one who knows the access code is Solomon himself. And according to the reports, he lost his sanity."

"It doesn't matter," Shepard interjected, reaching up to grasp the railing that hung from the roof of the shuttle, "Were checking the place out regardless."

The bay fell into silence the rest of the way. It was about an hour before the pilot notified them that they were entering the planet's orbit. When they entered the atmosphere, the temperature dropped considerably. Shepard could see the grumpy look taking over the turian's face. Miranda was obviously trying not to shake, her willpower kept her from showing any signs of being wrong.

It grew to the point that Shepard had to put her helmet on to ensure her body heat wasn't escaping from her armor. Garrus followed her example and Miranda simply put up a blue barrier around her body. Another hour went by and the trio engaged in a discussion about battle tactics and what to do in case the group got separated. They adjusted their comms to the same channel and eventually the shuttle came to a slow stop. The pilot announced their landing, and the doors opened.

A heavy gust of wind swept into the shuttle, billows of snow intruded into their space. They all looked at each other before jumping off to the snow covered land. When the shuttle closed its doors and flew off to meet back up with the Normandy, Garrus turned around to watch its departure and then turned to face the commander, "...Shepard," Garrus grumbled into his comm, "Do you remember when I told you how bad turians hated the cold?"

"Not as bad as Miranda is now."

Garrus chuckled, "I bet you're feeling nice and cozy right about now, Lawson."

"We're not discussing this," the woman muttered back to them.

Thankfully, EDI was able to disable the automatic turrets outside the compound. To which Garrus commented on how odd it was that they were still operative considering the time lapse in which the facility had gone dark. Someone has to be maintaining them. But aside from the cold, the approach to the Cerberus underground lab had gone uneventful. Just the chills of a ghost town as they investigated each bunker before moving on to the main compound.

They kept their weapons ready as Shepard bypassed the lock on the main door to the facility. It took a minute but the lock eventually beamed green and opened for them just long enough to slip through. Once inside, it was considerably warmer but it was obvious that the power wasn't working. The doors behind them sealed shut, the console glowing red to indicate it's locked status. Shepard took in a deep breath, "All right, no turning back now."

"Don't remind me," Miranda quipped back.

"Right now, let's just focus on the quarantine. We'll work our way to the bunker so we aren't cornered by whatever the hell is down here."

The research lab was built in a diamond shape with two floors and a hallway that cut across the side corridors horizontally to an elevator at the heart of the structure. All the heat signatures were crowded on the second floor, and Shepard could recall seeing a few straggling behind the larger hoard in the hallways and stairwell, some even seemed trapped in rooms. She remembered how EDI mentioned that the movements weren't human like. They were sluggish, lethargic. Shepard could only hope that their presence here wouldn't provoke hostile reactions. Last thing she wanted was all those movies and books she'd seen or read about zombies come true before her eyes.

The trio took this time to double check their ammo and weapons, knowing there was a long fight ahead of them. Miranda, testing her biotics; Shepard prepping the medi-gel; Garrus adjusting the specs to his visor.

Currently, they were at the main entrance lobby and Shepard noted just how little Cerberus seemed to care for the comfort of their employee's. Miranda had said something about how the organization operated in separate cells, but everything was still run by the Illusive Man. At least the Alliance built false windows with holographic views to help whoever was stationed at an underground lab feel like they weren't underground. But here, everything was very bland. All white walls, tile floors that had collected dust and unloaded cargo caches that were crammed into the area. The whole place looked like it had fallen off the grid more than just six months ago.

Shepard could feel her stomach clenching as an ominous chill frightened her skin into goosebumps. She checked over her shoulders; Miranda on her left and Garrus on her right. They were as ready as they'd ever be. With a steady breath, she ventured through the threshold that had its door completely ripped from its frame and had somehow been thrown across the room. There was a body to the right of the entryway.

"Maybe some tried to escape?" Garrus commented

"And were stopped." Miranda concluded, sounding surprised.

"Possibly to prevent an outbreak. Who knows what went on down here." The turian spoke back, not bothering to conceal the disgust in his voice.

"We're here to find out." Shepard scanned the room, with the power being shut off, the only lights guiding them were the emergency lights which were built to make a path to the exits and not to actually light up the room. She turned her head slightly, "Garrus, can you see movement on your visor?"

"Nothing, Commander." But she knew he would be the first to let her know if there were anything lurking in the shadows.

She huffed quietly to herself then, ordering for them to turn their weapons' lights on. The room had been illuminated and smaller details were seen. There were more bodies piled on the floor, and Shepard had been thankful that her helmet helped filter the smell. It was obvious now that a fight had broken out here, there was blood smears all over the floor as if bodies had been dragged elsewhere. They couldn't see past what the light their flashlights provided, and for once, the commander was grateful for it.

They continued through the main lobby, carefully stepping over the bodies that lie in their way. They came to the fork of the two corridors that formed the diamond shape of the facility and they paused again to discuss a course of action. Garrus, the ever rebellious turian he was, refused to take Miranda with him. He mentioned his visor worked at a second pair of eyes for him, and that it would be better if she and Shepard stuck together instead.

In reality, he couldn't stand the idea of letting Shepard wander the hallways alone. No one there to help her. He knew she was more than capable of defending herself (she was N7, after all) but for some reason, panic boiled in his chest at the mere thought of any harm coming to her. Eventually, Miranda took the initiative and simply walked off into the direction Shepard was going. The red head gave in to the turian and turned to catch up with the brunette. She ignored the want in her heart to remain with him just a second longer and whisper charms of good luck to him. However, she would not allow that luxury during a mission.

After they searched all the rooms on either side of the building, they turned back around and met back up near the elevator. Aside from discovering that security cameras were still active and were watching them, the search had been uneventful. They were positive that someone was here and alive. But that knowledge left doubt: Who was it?

They stopped just before the door to the stairwell, if Shepard remembered correctly, there were at least three heat signatures down there. The next couple of minutes would determine the level of danger for the rest of the mission. She readied herself, prepared her mind to accept that this was happening, and that whatever she saw down there was real. Her hand reached out and she pushed the swing door open slowly. She kept her weapon forward, and braced the first few steps before a growl erupted from below them. She paused in her steps and looked down the stairwell.

There were three sets of gleaming eyes reflecting the light from her flashlight back at her. She could barely see the faces, but knew that they weren't human. One shrieked loudly, and started running up the steps to where the trio was standing. Shepard pulled the trigger and the first body hit the floor. The other two reacted the same, and she pulled the trigger twice. There were two thuds and she could hear a body rolling down the steps.

"I suppose offering tea and flowers as a peace offering is no longer an option, hm, Shepard?" Garrus spoke from behind her, and she turned her neck to glare at the turian from over her shoulder.

"And just how many are down here?" Miranda asked, following the commander as she continued down the steps.

"I'm not sure, wasn't really counting." Shepard knelt over the first creature she had shot at. Garrus shined his light on her.

Whatever that was, it wasn't human. Though the silhouette was an exact match. It had long nails that could pass for claws and there wasn't a blunt tooth in the mouth. There was a huge hole where the nose should have been, its skin was burnt and chipping away and in some areas the bone was showing. He watched as Shepard pulled its eyelids open, there weren't any eyeballs. There were ears on either side of the head, longer than a human's and pointed like an elf's. It was naked, and obviously a male.

"Well, at least we know what a human-thorian baby would have looked like."

And despite the gravity of the situation, Shepard couldn't help but snicker at Garrus's comment. Miranda rolled her eyes, "This is a serious situation. Its reaction was violent; we should expect this from the rest of them. I wouldn't be surprised if it's cannibalistic."

"It's a good thing I don't taste like human. Shepard, there's too many of them down there for us to handle alone."

"I know." She responded, pushing her body to stand, and continued to the bottom of the steps were she peeked her head out and into the corridor.

The area was clear for now, but she remained inside the safety the stairwell. Shepard turned to look at both Miranda and Garrus, ordering them to continue in silence. They ventured out into the hallway, their steps as silent as their breaths. The first creatures they came across had been disposed of easily. Slipping behind them and snapping their necks seemed to be a sufficient way of rendering them useless.

Eventually, the creatures grew too dense for them to sneak up on, and they had to open fire. That was when all hell broke loose. Like a tidal wave, they all turned and howled, not even hesitating a second as they broke out into a full speed run. The Cerberus operatives fought back with a wave of gunfire. Miranda was able to use her biotics on the first few who managed to break through the barrage of bullets Garrus and Shepard provided. Fortunately, these creatures didn't have enough intelligence to consider avoiding the bullets, and were easily taken down. One by one, they hit the floor and left nothing but a bloody corpse to pile on top of another. Blood splattered on the walls and by the time both Garrus and Shepard stopped to reload, Miranda was able to finish off the last few with her pistol just before they could close in on the group.

The gunfire echoed through out the floor and they checked on each other to ensure there weren't any injuries. They all turned their attention to the fresh pile of bodies in front of them. Their lights provided enough for them to see that a pool of blood began to expand beneath the corpses. There were still a few ominous growls emitting from the rooms which were sealed shut. They could hear the creatures banging against the doors, trying to get out.

The corridor was suddenly lit up as each light above them flickered on one by one. They readied their weapons, each aiming at a different door as if the locks were next. But they waited in silence and nothing seemed to happen. The growls and banging grew louder, more violent. They could hear their claws scrapping against the metal doors and Shepard could only pray to whatever god was watching them that those doors did not open.

But there was suddenly static on the intercom above their heads. It grew louder, the white noise screeching at them before a voice finally took over, "Lawson? Did the Illusive Man finally send help?"

Miranda narrowed her eyes at a nearby camera, cocking her pistol and aiming at it, "Solomon. I was hoping to never have to hear your voice again."

There wasn't a response the static cut out, and Miranda shot at the camera. It fell to pieces against the floor and the group continued to travel down the corridor. They approached the hallway where EDI pointed out the hidden panic room and they could see the console glowing an angry red.

Again the voice picked up from over their heads, "Did you receive our message? Why are you here?" He sounded more angry at their intrusion versus being relieved that he was finally rescued.

Unless being rescued wasn't on his agenda. Garrus looked to Shepard, a bad feeling grew in his stomach, "Something's not right."

"Aside from the resources you have hidden there in your little panic room, we're here to quarantine this facility," Miranda responded, once again pointing her pistol to the camera that was snug away into a corner of the dead end, "Now are you going to let us in, or do we have to tear this door down?"

"I can't!" The male cried into the speakers, "If I undo this lock, it will release the others."

Shepard rolled her eyes. She tried her best to be an understanding woman, however, there were times where she just wanted to smack the stupid out of people. As if Garrus was picking up on her annoyance, he spoke up, "Just undo the locks long enough for us to get in."

It was simple math.

Solomon gave a weak confirmation, and the minutes rolled by tortuously slow before they finally hissed open. Almost immediately, the growls emitted from down their hall and it was obvious they were all headed in this single direction. Shepard was the first to enter, and that was a move Garrus would regret the rest of his life.

Before he or even Miranda had to time to follow suit, the doors snapped shut behind the commander. The brunette yelled for Shepard, banging at the door just once before she turned around and drew her pistol to face the oncoming wave of monsters. But then, in the midst of the growls, there was an unmistakable gunshot firing from behind the steel door.

There were no words that could describe the fear that burst in his chest when he heard a loud thud fall against the door. Garrus was never a religious being, but in that moment, he prayed for whatever spirits watching over him to lend their strength just long enough to protect Shepard.

The growls grew louder, and he quickly dispatched his old clip for a new heat sink, aiming his rifle at the hall. He saw their shadows on the wall before they appeared. Miranda hesitated not one second after the first sighting as she pulled the trigger. There were many battles Garrus fought that put his life on the line. But never had he felt like this before. Shepard was on the other side of that door, there was a gunshot. And he knew without witnessing what happened, that the thud they heard against the steel door was Shepard's body.

It didn't matter how many times he pulled the trigger, the fear did not drown out. Even when he saw the creatures falling to the ground, panic pushed against his ribs and for the first time in his life he could hear his heart beat thundering in his ears. He could tell himself over and over that Shepard could handle herself, and he knew she could. His fear was a waste of mental strength, but it was unavoidable. As if something inside him had been sleeping and the sound of that door slamming shut woke the beast up and it now refused to sleep.

Pulling the trigger wasn't cutting it. He dropped his gun and pulled a small combat knife out from a pocket tied around his boot, the turian charged. He had half a brain left to notice that Miranda stopped firing her pistol when the creature to his right was encased with blue before being slammed against the wall. He walked up to the last remaining three, plunging his knife into the forehead of the closest one, bring his foot up to side kick another square in his jaw, bones cracked and the body hit the floor with a broken neck. A third and fourth charged at him, one of the two swung at him, growling at the turain with unspeakable violence before swiping again. Garrus caught the wrist of the creature, he bent the arm backward and it snapped. It howled out in agony but the turian wasted no time stomping on the head with one final blow.

He turned his attention to the last one standing, but its head suddenly exploded and red blood splattered all over the turian. Garrus narrowed his eyes at Miranda, the Cerberus loyalist released the overheated heat sink in her pistol and just as she opened her mouth to say something, another gunshot fired from behind the steel door.

"EDI, what's happening?!" Miranda spoke into her comm.

But her only answer was static and small snippets of the AI's voice that were drowned out by white noise.

"Dammit!" The brunette cursed.

Garrus went to work on the console near the door. He was typing furiously fast against the red as he tried to bypass the lock. Minutes passed since the last gunshot and he was getting closer to breaking the code when the doors in front of them suddenly unsealed themselves open. Garrus armed himself and entered the room before Miranda even had a chance to.

On the other side of the door, there was only one thing that kept him from pulling the trigger, and it was Shepard's face smirking back at him, "I could be dead now." She teased the two, taking her hand off the locking mechanism.

The turian wasn't sure what to do. But it was like the beast that had woken up with gnashing teeth instantly fell asleep the moment his blue eyes met the familiar green and now, he was left holding smoke in his hands. He blinked once at her, speechless. He suddenly felt very embarrassed for worrying like he did but he covered it up as best he could, "We were just making sure you hadn't lost your touch, Shepard." He quipped back at her, folding his arms across his chest, "And it looks like you've gotten slower." He pointed with his chin to her cheek.

Her smirk deepened, and she shook her head, walking away from the desk she was at and closer to her team, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure that if it weren't for my barriers, I'd be dead now." Shepard was just your average solider when the Normandy was first attacked by the collector ship, and it seemed that her life wasn't the only thing Cerberus had given her. Her hand went to wipe away some of the blood that was dripping from the wound. The bullet was strong, it broke through her barriers with a single shot but not before they were able to interrupt its trajectory causing the bullet to steer off course and graze her cheek.

He'd seen her look down to the hall, to the fallen bodies and back to the turian who was spotted in blood. He coughed in embarrassment, looking off to the side. No way was he going to admit what happened. But when his eyes finally looked back at her, he could see her understanding glinting behind the bright colors. Then suddenly, her body swayed. She lost her footing and her balance crumbled. Her green eyes rolled to the back of her head and Garrus barely had enough time to reach out and catch her before she could hit the floor.

"Shepard?" He called out to her, shaking her shoulders gently.

She didn't respond.

And the beast had woken up again.


	4. Chapter 4: Panic Prone

Hey! So sorry for the late update! I wrote this chapter three different ways, and had trouble figuring out which one would be most proper given the situation. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this one!

Also, I cannot thank you guys enough to the reviews, follows, and favorites. They all mean so much to me. I'm happy to see people enjoying this as much as I have enjoyed writing it.

**Chapter Four: Panic Prone**

* * *

He knew better than to try to dream. He could try, but sleep was an angry wife seeking vengeance tonight. And he was the victim of her poison. She had been haunting his bedroom for the past several nights, feasting on his thoughts. There was no cure, but her presence seemed to fade whenever he buried his head into his pillow. Where the other woman's scent lingered. It was that perfume that spared him mercy, granted him peace if only for a little while. Because every time he allowed indulgence, eventually he would see emerald eyes fainting right before him.

He sighed heavily against the silence in his cabin, fingers intertwined behind his head. Blue eyes stared up at the ceiling; there were 24 squares.

They almost lost Shepard again. If they hesitated a moment longer, she wouldn't have made it. It was all thanks to the cybernetics that she survived the trip back to the Normandy. The severity of what could have happened was bothering more than it should have. Garrus never spent too much time pondering the results of what-if's, but this situation was entirely different. It felt heavier. He couldn't fathom the idea of losing her. Again.

His talons curled into fists, frustration sank its claws into his chest and he released it with a growl. He should have taken point then. He should have never allowed her to go in first, commander or not. He had to be the guardian here. How could he accept the name Archangel if he couldn't protect those closest to him? Losing his team on Omega had left him in shambles, what would become of him if he were to lose Shepard after just reuniting with her?

Garrus sat up tossing his sheets away from him before rubbing his forehead with his talons. He threw his legs over the side of the bed, slouching forward to cradle his head in his palms, elbows digging into his knees. His room was deafeningly quiet, it was giving him a headache and too much reason to think. His restlessness all came from one source. Be it tonight, last night, or three days ago, his battle with sleep seemed to have one cause and it was her.

He pushed himself to stand and forced himself to take that first step and the others easily followed in line. He wasn't sure of the time, the Normandy ran with Zulu hours, and he guessed it was no later than zero hundred, "midnight" he had heard someone refer to it as. His foot steps echoed off the walls, seemingly louder than usual since more than half the deck had retreated to their beds. He knew there was always someone awake aboard the vessel, but he hadn't seen anyone during his approach to the elevator. There wasn't a single marine in the mess hall, but the open space had an aroma in the air and there was a frying pan sitting on the stove. He saw an empty glass in the sink along with a used plate. Someone had been up cooking.

He let his eyes fall to the window of the med bay, and he could see her sleeping on the metal gurney farthest into the bay. Dr. Chakwas wasn't in the area, but seeing that her computer was shut off, Garrus knew she must have gone off to bed as well.

The doors hissed open for him as he approached them, and he could smell the musty scent of sweat and a bitter taste of poison in the air. Of all things Shepard faced off with, to be taken down by poison was an insult. He grabbed the chair from in front of the doctor's computer and quietly placed it next to his commander's bedside. He could hear her heavy breathing, the monitor that surveyed her heartbeat was clicking faster than it should have. Upon closer inspection, he could see the wound on her cheek had turned an angry red. Her veins around the bullet graze were showing through her porcelain skin. He saw her hands gripping tightly onto the bed railings, her face construed in pain as she grimaced in her sleep. Her brow furrowing, her lips quivering. He eyed the tourniquet around her arm, even with the morphine going through to her, she was still in pain.

He reached over to wipe away the sweat that had been collecting along her hair and jawline. He was careful to avoid her wound as well as the scars on her face that had yet to fully heal from her reconstruction. She flinched at his touch, and he withdrew his hand as if he'd touched fire. When she settled, he reached out again to finish his task. She murmured something then, but he couldn't make out what she said. He could see her cornea's moving rapidly behind her eyelids. She was dreaming. He sat back against the chair and allowed himself to settle in. The least he could do now was be at her side. Be there for her like he said he always would.

Maybe if he'd known more about human anatomy, he could be of more use. There was a data pad on the doctor's desk and he retrieved it, opening an article on different types of poisons that effected humans.

Green eyes slowly cracked open and where she was expecting light to shine through, there was only darkness. Her hand reached out to test her surroundings but her hand bumped into a concrete wall only a foot in front of her. Where was she? Her fingers slid along the wall until she found a corner and followed it. She realized then that she was encased, trapped in a very small area. A coffin. Was she dead? Panic began to boil, and she pressed harder against the walls in hopes that they would fall apart with pressure but to no avail. That was when her heart started racing, she pounded her fists against the wall in front of her once, twice.

_"...Shepard."_ Her name was whispered into her ear, and it was from a voice she had nearly forgotten.

The woman turned around faster than her head could process it, "Ash?!" Almost immediately, her gut had spilled with guilt. An apology slipped from her mouth before she even knew what was being said, "ASH! I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry!"

The only reason why Shepard had doomed the woman, had been because of Kaiden. She just couldn't leave him behind. But Ashley, despite her xenophobia, had been somewhat of a friend to her. Granted, the commander usually kept people at an arms length anyways. She just couldn't handle another repeat of Akuze. The red head had made the mistake then to allow herself to get close to others, and not because she had trust concerns, but because losing them all had hurt her too much.

She still had nightmares. The torment had been tenacious in its pursuit of her mental health. And she would have lost it if it weren't for Anderson. He had extended his hand out and carried her beneath his placid wings. And it was something she never said out loud, but she looked to him as a father. Not that she knew what having a father felt like, but he was that presence she tried to please, knowing he couldn't be. He was the authority figure she would always obey, even when the dog tags came off. He was the one who saved her from the tornado that wrecked havoc in her world. He had been the one to drive his fist at her when she held a gun to her head. An act most would frown down upon, but an act that had saved her. Without it, the deadly dance she swayed to would have drowned her, and that trigger would have been pulled.

_Don't you fucking dare dishonor their deaths!_

It was the first time she heard him use such fowl language.

Kaiden had been more than a crew mate. Whenever there was downtime, he would often seek her out and they would talk about anything but military. His family, her hobbies, her taste in music, his taste in art. He had been the first to sneak his way through her defenses. And she did little to stop it. The company was welcome, it definitely muted the screaming in her head.

Ashley, even though she had known the solider for a slice of time, they had a relationship that was defined by brutal truth. And it was refreshing. Even though Shepard was annoyed by the soldier's xenophobia, she found it pleasing to exchange words with the female.

That's why, even though the decision tore her apart, she couldn't leave Kaiden behind.

And he had been the one to make her feel guilty for it. _I'm only here because of us,_ he had said to her. _Ashley died so we could have a chance?_

And if there was anything worse than the taste of a bullet, it was sacrifice.

When he came to her the night before Ilos, Shepard had turned him away. She knew about dishonoring life, and wasn't about to dishonor Ashley's sacrifice by letting herself fall into bed with the man who survived where she hadn't. Kaiden understood, but she could still see the bitterness in his eyes. He walked away without saying a word, and subsequently, she had spent the night alone.

The lights abruptly turned on, blinding her vision and forcing her to cover her eyes until they adjusted. Her wrists were suddenly pinned down and she could feel cold metal pressing down around her ankles. There was a sharp pain in her arm, a familiar prick that she knew had been the source of a needle. She struggled to free herself, but a foreign hand shot out and aggressively pressed her back against the table she was shackled to.

Slowly, as her vision finally started to focus, she could make out glowing eyes hovering over her. Her named was called once more, and Ash's voice morphed into Harbinger's. Her green eyes widen, she trembled. _I will tear apart everything you cherish._

A new light blinded her eyes, and she sat up faster than her head could process the act. The glowing eyes simmered away, the feel of cold steel around her wrists and ankles faded. Everything was spinning and her head was throbbing. She was in a room that rung familiar in the back of her head, but she didn't spare the feeling a moment longer. Fear was still stirring inside her. There was something plugged into her arm, and she yanked the tubes away from her. She pulled the heart monitor off of her, the needles feeding her water and morphine all clattered to the floor. With tears still fresh in her eyes, Shepard's fight or flight instinct kicked in. She grasped the bed railings to attempt an escape, but her legs were dead weights and she tumbled to the floor.

Garrus barely had enough time to reach out and catch her before she could hit the floor. Her weight knocked the air out of him and he fell backward with the red head pressing against his upper body. He groaned painfully when his spikes clashed against the steel floor.

Confusion drowned out her sense, and she pushed herself off the turian to look around the room. There was no collectors, no Ash. She was... her eyes squinted, trying to clear out the blurs. She scrambled to her knees, looking down when she felt a body under her.

"...Shepard..." He grunted, trying to catch his breath.

"Garrus!" She wiped at her eyes as if the fuzz would go away. Her vision slowly started to clear, and she could tell by the blue face markings that the person under her was definitely Garrus. Which also meant she was just dreaming, and that she was safe.

He shifted under her awkwardly, his teeth grit and a low growl came from his throat, "Shepard, please... you're crushing my..." His hands went to push against her thigh.

She looked down between them, a blush turning her cheeks warm. She quickly removed her knee from his groin, "Oh! Sorry!" She blurted, moving to sit on the ground next to his side.

He immediately took in a deep breath, "It's ok," He wheezed half in pain, half in relief.

She backed away to give him space as he sat up, obviously using every ounce of self control he could muster not to curl up in a ball and cradle his gonads.

She looked off to the side, obviously flustered. Let it be the reproductive system of a turian male that she hurt. Shepard never took pleasure in hitting below the belt in fights, so she never knew what it was like to actually hurt a male in that particular origin. But it was nice to know that turians did come equipped with the same parts as a human male did.

Her blush was demolished at that thought. Wait, what? Did she just... Oh, God. Her hands lifted to shield her face from the turian in front of her. Did she just make a sexual reference to Garrus?! She just... She just thought of his penis! She blew air into her cheeks to keep the blush from darkening and slowly let the air out in order to calm herself down.

Then suddenly, there was a loud burst of laughter coming from the commander, "Garrus!" She snickered, an arm reaching out to smack him on his shoulder, "Garrus, you have a penis!" Her laughter bounced off the walls of the med bay. Her hand slapped against her thigh as an output and she shook her head before lifting it to laugh at the ceiling.

He forced a laugh, a hand lifting to rub where she had smacked him a little too hard for it to be playful. Those cybernetics definitely gave her strength, "Thanks for that confirmation, Commander."

"Shhhhh!" She shushed him, rising to her knees and placed a hand over his mouth, "Shhhh!" She repeated.

Garrus gave her a blank stare, "You're the one making all the noise," He muttered as her hand pressed against his mouth, but even to his ears it was just muffled noise. He was about to question her sanity when he remembered that she was just hooked up to morphine and the drug was still fresh in her system. And the thought of Shepard being high amused him. It was a little snippet of the red head he hoped no one else could see. This past week, he knew his desire to know more about the commander had left him greedy for her.

She leaned in closer to him, taking her hand away from his mouth to plant her palm against cold steel beneath them. He dared a glance at her, and she was on all fours, her emerald eyes darkening with ... something he couldn't put a name to. Her lips were parted, her breathing grew heavy. She crawled toward him, placing a hand on either side of him.

Garrus choked then, lifting his hands to place them on her shoulders in an attempt to halt her from getting closer, "Shepard, what are you doing?"

She didn't respond, but his blue eyes were witness to her tongue peeking out from between her lips to moisten them. He noticed her eyes were on him and she crawled even closer, easily thwarting his half-serious attempt to stop her, "Garrus," Desire soaked through her voice in a very sultry whisper.

Garrus had heard his name being spoken thousands of times before, but never had it sounded like that. His breath caught in his throat. He let his back fall against the wall behind them as she crawled onto his lap. He had no idea what to do but kept his hands glued to her shoulders, his talons gripping tightly.

She leaned her head closer to his, just an inch of space between them, "Garrus," She repeated, "I think I might be part krogan."

And before he had time to process her words, she placed those delicate looking lips of her's against his mouth.

Her cheeks were a rosy red, and the air around them grew musky with the scent of her desire. It drove him mad. His talons gripped tighter around her shoulders, he was entirely unsure of what to do with his mouth. He knew she was kissing him, he hadn't spent all his time around his former human C-sec co-workers to be dense about human customs. But he had never thought he'd be one to take part in the action. Shepard must have been too high to remember that turians didn't kiss.

The feel of her lips against his mouth was hardly offensive. It was unlike anything he had ever felt before, and wouldn't mind for it to be repeated; not that he would ever dare to ask. It was like silk against his mouth, and he wanted to do more with it. For him, the equivalent of kissing was licking. And so, he lifted his hands to cup either side of her jaw and sat forward. He applied pressure back, but along with it, he snaked out his tongue and traced her bottom lip.

The taste of her woke up something very primal in him, and he growled heavily against his chest in approval. Shepard parted her mouth, and greeted him with her own tongue. His eyes grew dark as hunger slowly began to seep in, the sweet taste of her had been his undoing. The red head moved her lips against his mouth, and she sat more fully in his lap, her thighs open to him as her legs settled around his waist. He could smell her, his nostrils flared, his mandibles quivered.

She moaned into his mouth, rocking her hips against his in one fluid motion.

Garrus froze completely. His mouth slanted, and she pulled back to give him a quizzical expression, "What's wrong?" She asked softly.

There was a voice in the back of his mind that reminded him: _She's doped up on morphine, you idiot._

Hesitantly, he removed his hands from her face and placed them back on her shoulders, "Shepard, you're not in the right mind," He was trying his hardest not to sound like he was rejecting her. Oh, spirits, how her cheeks burned with lust, how those emerald eyes glistening with hunger. He could be that fool to take full advantage of her right here, right now. But Shepard trusted him. He swallowed hard, pushing her away to give them space between their chests. If she lingered closer any longer, her scent alone would be enough to seduce him.

She allowed him to push her away, and she lifted an eyebrow at him, "...Are you serious?" She asked, but there was a second layer to that voice, as if saying to him: _Quit being a little bitch about it, Vakarian._

"Yes, Shepard, I am. You need to rest." He heard her scoff, "You'll thank me later," He finished, wrapping his arms around her so that he could lift her as he stood.

He carried her bridal style and gently placed her back onto the metal bed.

She was out cold the instant her head hit the pillow, and he never felt more like a pervert.

He looked down at himself, his own hunger for the woman showing. He exhaled heavily, shaking his head. What has come over him? His intention was to find peace next to Shepard, instead, he only ended up adding even more stress to feed his restlessness. Shepard was out cold, and he was still wide awake. A cold shower should help fix the situation below the belt, but dammit, why couldn't he sleep?

And what would happen between them once she was fully aware of her actions? Would she remember? Would she hate him? No, that wasn't a possibility. He had stopped her before either of them did anything they would later regret. He knew she would more than likely thank him for it. The funny thought there was, he now knew that the great Commander Shepard grew libidinous when under the influence. He was glad it was he who saw her like this. Unlike humans, turians didn't see greed as a sin and he was more than willing to indulge.

That's when he knew. Garrus Vakarian was attracted to Shepard. And he just now noticed that not once had her being human bothered him. If it hadn't been for the kissing, he would have forgotten she was human and that he was turian. When she kissed him, doped up on drugs or not, it had just been the two of them. And that thought scared him more than anything ever could. Because if it didn't bother him now, just how far would this attraction go?

His eyes drifted over to the sleeping woman, she had crept up on him. In his pursuit to know her as a person he had opened a door that led him straight to a path of attraction. He had never found the human species to be attractive, but for some reason, everything about her drove him mad. Her scent, he was now willing to admit, had been the key factor to his calm. And now that it was fading from his pillow, he couldn't find that peace anymore; it would explain why the last time he got a full nights rest had been when she was in his bed. How the taste of her was enough to make him lose control.

But now that he was aware of it, what could he do about it? There was no way he could pursue the thought of...

He paused in his thoughts. The thought of what? _Of being with her?_ His eyes widen, and he hesitated only a moment longer before he turned to quickly exit the bay. Had his thoughts evolved that quickly? Just five seconds ago he was barely admitting to his attraction, and now he was already thinking of being together with her?

He had to give her time, give her space. And definitely, had to give himself some time to sort out these running ideas taking over his head. There were many attributes that could lead him to this thought process: lack of sleep, the fear of almost losing his best friend, the fact that he was absolutely lonely, or the the fact that it had been quite some time since he last had any sexual contact at all. Clearly, he wasn't thinking straight. He was fine with admitting to his attraction for now, but anything beyond that needed to be sorted out.

But first, he needed a cold shower.

The following morning Mordin was happy to announce that the commander's fever had finally broke, and that she was going to be fine. However, there were small traces of the poison still circling her bloodstream. For the most part, Shepard remained unconscious. And her sleep lasted only another day before she was healthy enough to stay awake. The following morning after that, she no longer needed the morphine as the pain had finally subsided. And once she knew that, Shepard bolted from the med bay even against the advice of Dr. Chakwas for one more day of bed rest.

The whole time, Garrus had seen her just once to confirm that she was ok.

He was avoiding her, but he knew she would come searching for him. If not to accuse him of molesting her while she was doped up on drugs, then to tease him about his apparent lack of concern over the health of his commanding officer. He still hadn't quite wrapped his head around his thoughts and he could only pray that she wouldn't remember. Or least believe the incident to have been a dream. That way, it would remain his little secret. As perverted as that was, it was better than facing the reality that she might just reject him. Not that he had proposed anything to reject in the first place.

And finally the day had come when he was cleaning his mantis. A knock on his door left him frozen. If he didn't respond, perhaps the person on the other side would take the hint and leave him be. Unfortunately, Shepard wasn't easily deterred.

"Garrus," Her voice came muffled from the other side of the door.

She didn't sound angry.

He relaxed, paused only a moment as he readied himself to face the upcoming conversation, "It's open," With those two words, he had prepared himself to face the worse.

The doors hissed open and Shepard was first greeted by the stench of the oils he used to clean his rifle with. To anyone else, the smell would have been too bitter to enjoy. To soldiers like she and Garrus, it was a familiar scent that often calmed the anxious spirit before battle.

She saw him sitting there, turning his head to watch her over his shoulder before he stood and greeted her with a nod of his head, "Shepard."

"Hey," She returned the greeting with a small smile, "Kasumi said you'd be down here."

He grunted, "Kasumi says a lot of things."

Shepard shrugged playfully, then her demeanor changed, her arms dropped from crossing her chest to idly running her fingers up and down the wall she stood next to. If Garrus didn't know any better, he'd have thought she was being shy. Mentally, he hoped she wouldn't have remembered what happened between them in the med bay. He wasn't ready to face it, and he definitely wasn't willing to face the outcome. What if the whole situation disgusted her? Shepard was far from xenophobic, but that didn't mean she was open to being with anyone outside her species. What if she was about to tell him to forget anything ever happened?

"Dr. Chakwas was worried about you, you know," She started, he noticed her pinching her bottom lip between her teeth.

He chuckled, "It's when I'm not in the med bay that she starts to worry, huh?"

She forced a laugh, taking a step closer to him, "She was wondering why you never came to see me, " She scoffed playfully, waving a hand in the air next to ear as if to stimulate nonsense, "Something about us being through too much for you to neglect your commanding officer."

"I was the one who carried you to the med bay," He countered in playful defense.

There was silence. A long, painful silence.

"You also carried me back onto the bed." Her words were quiet and unusually soft, but they rang loud and clear in his ears. He froze.

She remembered.

He looked away, his hands shaking as he coolly leaned against the chair for support. Crap. What now? This is what he had prepared himself for. He closed his eyes to look away, his mandibles lowered with shame, "Look, Shepard, I-"

"...I-I probably just drooled all over you," She whispered softly, cutting him off.

Garrus slowly turned his head to look at her, completely stunned. His wide eyes spoke words he would never express, and Shepard felt like a little school admitting a crush. She could feel her cheeks burning, and she bit down on her bottom lip once more, remembering the feel of his tongue gliding over it.

"I can do better."


	5. Chapter 5: Catch Me As I Fall

Hey there! Hope I didn't keep you guys waiting too long. Thank you for your patience!

**Chapter Five: Catch Me As I Fall**

* * *

He spent the last hour in his room brooding over the very real dream he had last night. So convinced that the vision of Shepard in front of him was so tangible that he woke up mumbling her name. And he had been pouting in silence ever since. And it wasn't even about the fact that he had a life-like dream about his commanding officer that bothered him -and as a turian, it most definitely _should_. It was the concept of being accepted that was the cause of his moodiness. If what happened in his cabin was a dream, if it wasn't real, then it meant that Shepard hadn't come searching for him and that she hadn't confirmed her attraction to him.

None of it was true.

He first realized he had been dreaming when he picked up the smell of his nitro solvent instead the fragrance of Shepard's hair. By then, he already knew it was just a dream but he was still hesitant to open his eyes and actually confirm it. Eventually, he forced them open with bitter cooperation, where he caught sight of his sniper rifle. It was still positioned across his desk, just as he remembered leaving it before he fell asleep. His oils remained uncapped and the handkerchief he was using hadn't been thrown in the waste basket beside the desk as it normally would have been.

He was an utter fool for believing-if even for a second- that it was real.

_I think I'm part korgan._

Spirits, why couldn't he get those words out of his head? He knew she was referring to the joke he cracked when he finally woke up from the missile hitting his face. He could still remember the panic he felt upon opening his eyes. And a small chuckle vibrated his chest as he recalled the surprised look on Chakwas's face as she hovered over him, patching up the wound along the side of his face.

_I knew it. Your stubborn turian rump is just too damn hard to kill, Garrus. Just how many lives do you have in there? _She asked while tapping her knuckles against the cavity of his chest.

His first words then had been her name. Seeing the human doctor who accompanied Shepard on the first Normandy had been comforting, but he needed to see her face. He had to confirm with the utmost certainty that he hadn't been dreaming. That she had come to save him. That he currently wasn't dying and that his soul had not found the spirits of the original Normandy and the commander who had fallen with it. That N7 insignia he had seen through his scope, it was too real.

_Shepard. Where's Shepard?_

_Up one floor, past the armory and then to the right._

And when he found her, she was all he saw. The man she was exchanging words with had been the very least of his concerns. She was there, standing right in front of him._ Alive_. And the first thing he could think to say, was a confirmation. He had to know that he had survived the rocket slapping him in the face. And she seemed to pick up on his desperation, turning her stone face into a smirk._ You were always ugly, Garrus. _He could hear the playfulness in her voice.

Her attack on his sense of humor worked. She confirmed that she was alive. That, yes, so was he. All it took was for her was to show him that smile and he knew he hadn't been imagining all of this. Falling back onto their old routine, he returned the witty banter with a joke about female krogans. _Some women find facial scars attractive; mind you, most of those women are krogan._

It had been just a joke at the time, but Shepard managed to morph it into something much more serious.

More importantly, how was he to take it now? Was he supposed to consider her words, or did he take into consideration that she was also under the influence? If so, then what exactly was the meaning of the kiss they shared? There was no denying his enjoyment of the act. And it was very obvious that his then-partner had been more than satisfied. If she remembered, would their dynamics change?

What exactly did that mean for him?

Thinking on it, he easily knew it wasn't something he minded. Shepard was the only person he trusted. And for whatever reason, when he thought of her, her humanity never got in the way. The smell of her hair, the taste of her lips, the texture of her tongue, and the sweet spice of her arousal drove him mad. But now he knew of their existence, he wasn't sure if he wanted their absence. He wasn't sure if he'd be OK in allowing another male to indulge in them as he had.

Garrus sat up in bed. There was no point in dwelling. His questions will forever remain unanswered unless he took that step to clarify them. But there was hesitation in his resolve, and Archangel never hesitated. A trigger was a pulled where a bullet was deserved; no questions asked. But here, he was faced with the options of uncertainty but stability or stability with uncertainty; did he confront her about the lingering thoughts in his head and risk their bond, or was he to suffer with the thoughts so long as he knew their bond would remain intact?

This was a grey area, wasn't it?

He growled annoyed. There was so much confusion here that he didn't know how to handle it. So, he decided to go and do the one thing he knew how; Garrus headed up to the main battery in hopes that some calibrations would help get his mind off things.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

As soon as she was able, Shepard returned to her post. In the time she had been battling the poison, the Thanix cannons were fully installed and there was enough platinum left over to to upgrade the kinetic barriers as well. With the time the Normandy crew lost while waiting for their commander to recover, this was good news. It made the incident worth it.

She still couldn't quite face Miranda yet, knowing that the woman was willing to withhold the information from everyone. The brunette knew there were monsters down there, knew all about the death and violence that had occurred, and she had little conscience to tell anyone, to try and fix it. Shepard was generally a forgiving person, but she was finding it impossible to see Miranda as anything but-what had Jack referred to her as?-a cold hearted Cerberus princess.

It was a bleak reality, being resurrected from death just to _serve_ someone. To save a galaxy that didn't want to try and save themselves. When thoughts like that crept to her mind, she would seek out Dr. Chakwas. Speaking to the older woman was therapeutic for her. The doctor helped remind her that there were people who loved her, and were happy to have her back. But she missed Anderson. That man, the only father figure she had, risked his entire military career for her. If anyone believed in her, it was him. She missed his voice. And if anyone deserved to see her now that she was back, it was him.

Guilt stabbed her heart. The man sent her an e-mail, asking to speak with her. But the last time she was on the citadel to help out Garrus, she purposely avoided seeing him and told Bailey that she didn't want anyone to know about her reappearance. He agreed with hesitation, managing to squeeze out a sentence about Anderson.

She wasn't ready to face him. She wasn't ready to face anything that belonged in her past. How cruel was fate intending to be to her? She already died, she already saved the galaxy. Why was she brought back? To dangle life in front of her, but to take it away just as quick with the threat of the collectors. Was it so wrong of her to crave a life as normal as those she was trying to save? Love, happiness, friendship. Instead, she was face with betrayal and tiny stolen moments of happiness that she felt she needed to hide or else they would be taken from her.

There wasn't a single thing in her life that didn't come with a price.

She was living, but didn't feel alive. She felt like a puppet.

When things with Garrus started to trail off the path of friendship, there was jolt in her heart that made her want to forget everything and pursue that feeling again. Whenever she was with him, her heart raced. She was conscious. Aware of the warmth he provided her, she was receptive to him. And her body was more than ready to accept him. But she was weary of how she felt around him. As if there was a barrier surrounding him, and whenever she was near him, that barrier protected her as well. He offered her security. The last time she found safety in the arms of the opposite sex, she fell in love and lost it before it could grow.

Was her life just a repeat of the same thing? Her first fall had been broken by a thresher maw. The second time, a reaper tore her chance apart. And here she was again, those same feelings beginning to stir just as the threat of the collectors lingered in the future. She could die again. If she were to chase this small hint of happiness, it was cursed to follow the same destructive path as the others?

But Garrus was special. He wasn't human. He was stronger, more durable. He was too hard to kill.

Thinking of the turian turned her face red. Especially considering what happened the last time she saw him. Shepard remembered everything. She made herself a fool that night, driven by her more primal instincts. How could she have allowed herself to kiss him? And he...

Her fingertips pressed softly against her lips, remembering the thrill that overtook her when their tongues met.

And he was reciprocal. To everything. To every touch, to every breath, to every whispered word. He responded to her. Shepard could still hear the sound of his rough growls that made the heat in her abdomen grow even hotter.

She groaned out loud and shoved a pillow over her face, letting herself drown in embarrassment.

And his voice. God damned that voice!

Her thighs trembled at the memory of his arousal against her own.

_What on Earth was she thinking!_

Despite her pressing forward, he stopped her. And he was right after all, Shepard couldn't have been any more grateful toward him for that. It must have been so difficult for him. Hell, it was difficult for her to accept his denial regardless of his good intentions. She couldn't imagine it would be easy for any male to deny himself a woman who was clearly up for the act. But he yielded to his respect for her, which spoke louder than any words she had ever heard before.

Maybe that was it? Could the answer really be that simple? Maybe what she felt for Garrus, was strictly physical. She would keep it physical. Garrus had been the only one to help her feel alive, and that was with the little moments they shared. What could he make her feel beyond that?

She trusted the turian with her life, with more than just her life. He had the power to destroy her. And he respected her. They were both obviously needing some type of stress relief. Surely there was a way they could help each other out? Their friendship was strong enough to withstand a step like that without taking damage, wasn't it?

And with them being different species, it would save them any trouble of emotional attachment. Maybe that was arrogant thinking, but she had never been emotionally involved with any male outside the human race before, so why would it change now? There sure as hell wasn't anyone else aboard the ship she'd want to share such an intimate moment with, human or not. There was no one else she trusted enough.

He'd been with her from day one. The moment her life become more than just another solider in the Alliance, Garrus had been at her side. When everyone disbelieved her, he stood there strong and proud. If he was willing to support her then, surely a situation like this wouldn't be any different.

When Shepard found the turian later on in the day, her first intention was to apologize for her behavior and to thank him for stopping her when he had. But as their conversation progressed, he had given her an opening and she took it. For the most part, he was oblivious to her intentions, forcing her to spell it out for him. His density broke with a line she spoke that got his mandibles quivering.

_We could test your reach... and my flexibility._

With that, the deal was sealed. He fumbled with his response, but he agreed with little reluctance, if not, just wanting time to do some research to figure out how it would work between them. But he concurred on his own with no push needed, no convincing. Had he been thinking the same thing?

And for Garrus, he couldn't have been more relieved. The confusion had stopped swirling in his head and he could finally think straight. For the most part, his questions had been answered with her proposition. While some seemed to still whisper to him, he knew now that whatever was happening between them, Shepard felt it too.

With that small agreement between them, there was no hiding the sudden change in their dynamics. Especially when they departed the Normandy to recruit the assassin. Kasumi asked to come along this time, unable to sit still. It became an axiom that the shuttles were always reserved for Shepard and Garrus plus one.

Hearing Liara's name when they first docked on Illium brought him a good feeling. She was out there and had eyes on Shepard as well. And once they saw the young asari, it was like there hadn't been a two year absence between the party. It was obvious that things had changed around the asari. Her time spent with Shepard had matured her. The air around Liara was no longer naive and innocent but mature and very capable. And he could tell she was genuinely happy to see Shepard.

The room was filled with secured recollection, both parties elated with either's presence. Shepard especially. He could tell by the way she hugged Liara that the woman couldn't have been happier.

_I've lost everyone..._

Her words echoed in his head, and Garrus smiled to himself.

_Not everyone, Shepard._

At the end of it all, Shepard asked Liara to join her. He couldn't blame the commander, aside from the doctor, Joker, and himself there weren't any familiar faces left on the Normandy. But he already knew the answer, and as Liara explained her rejection, he could have sworn there was a look on the asari's face that he could read clear as day, _You better watch out for her_. The narrowing of her eyes, the tightness of her lips. He knew then that she meant beyond the battlefield.

As surprised as he was, he managed to remain passive. He squared his shoulders and leaned against the door frame as it remained opened. _You don't have to tell me._

The day had begun the first stages of nightfall. With some help from the locals, they managed to reach the towers just before the sun met with the horizon. And not a minute after setting foot on ground, they were already engaging in a gunfight with the security mechs. Thankfully, the adrenaline was enough to keep him awake until he realized that it was because of the adrenaline that he was even still awake.

The further they ventured into the towers, the denser the guards grew in numbers. He, Kasumi and Shepard plowed through them with relatively no hardships. But there was one particular moment he had shared with the red head that definitely confirmed that things between them were shifting. Where one of the guards had thrown a flash grenade at them, and Shepard had been in the middle of releasing a heat sink to notice the tiny bomb. Garrus reached over and tucked Shepard's head beneath his chin to shield her eyes from the blast. The commander had caught on quickly, and she simultaneously lifted a hand to shield his eyes and turned his head away from the flash as well.

Protect and protected.

It all happened within seconds, but they read each other's movements like a book. A new language between them started to develop. The glances they shared were a second longer than necessary, touches lingered long enough to emit warmth. He had to admit that he had never met anyone who could match him move for move. Someone who he could read. Nod his head to the left, and she stepped away to the left without second guessing. She glanced to a room, and he'd secure it.

When they finally caught up to the assassin, Garrus grew concerned with how Shepard played mind games with the assassin's target, Nassana. Baiting the female's life with mind games, knowing that in the end, she wasn't going to live to see the sunrise. He knew she wasn't being serious when the two began negotiating money, but he knew the commander was enjoying it in a sadistic sense. He didn't get much amusement out of it, but he wasn't about to put on a display of insubordination in front of a potential crew mate, it would make Shepard look bad.

They boarded the Normandy in silence.

His lack of sleep was finally taking its tow on Garrus, and it was his sheer willpower that kept him from knocking out right where he stood. Shepard had dismissed the landing party as soon as they stepped foot in the CIC. She announced that they were going to remain docked through the night so they could leave to recruit the justicar the following earth day. She had paperwork to go through and had to get the new recruit situated. Garrus didn't object, he hadn't said anything but gave a small nod in acknowledgement before heading straight to the elevator along with Kasumi.

Upon entering his cabin, he found himself restless again. He knew he needed to sleep, but what happened back with Nassana troubled him. It wasn't like Shepard to play with people like that. She taught him better back with Dr. Heart. He paced in his room for hours. Took a shower, polished his armor. By the time his impatience took over, he left his cabin with a straight path up to the commander's cabin where he knew she would be.

No one stopped him, no one saw him. There was no pause in between floors as he skipped passed the crew's quarters and the CIC. The doors parted for him, the bell rang the cabin's arrival. He hesitated only a second before he found himself knocking on her doors. He was struck with the breif memory of how he found Shepard last time he came knocking on her door. He shook the image of it away, tapping his knuckles against the door harder.

They quietly hissed open for him and he entered with silence, finding the woman in question sitting on her chair in front of her desktop staring at the screen. She sat with her right knee bent to her chest, the foot resting at an angle along the front edge of the chair. Her left foot sat still on the floor. She had black socks on this time. There was an elbow propped onto the desk with her forearm resting horizontally across the desk. He couldn't see her right hand.

He sensed something was off when she hadn't turned around to greet him. With a quick sniff of the air, he could smell the salt in her tears and his mandibles lowered themselves against his mouth. Garrus was at a loss of what to say.

He took a step forward, his boot clinking against the floor. She suddenly moved then, as if someone had turned the lights on in a dark room. The arm that had been resting on her desk lowered, and she brought a hand up to wipe away at her face. She turned around quickly after that, "Garrus," She started, surprise in her voice as if she really didn't hear him come in. The woman forced a smile after a sniffle, "Is there something you need?" Her foot resting on the chair flattened to the floor as she stood up to face him.

He looked around her room at that question, considering the option of ignoring the reason for her tears; maybe it was something she didn't want to talk about. But as he took in her room, his eyes scanned across the screen and he noticed the blinking text of an unread e-mail. He cleared his throat, "I was worried," He admitted, lifting a hand to scratch behind his fringe, "Is... Is everything ok, Shepard?" He hesitated, "I mean, what happened back there with Nassana?"

She looked confused for a second before realization settled over her features, "You don't..." Her gaze turned into one of question, her lips forming the next words even though she hesitated to say them, "You don't think I was really going to take her offer, do you?" Her green eyes narrowed at him skeptically.

His surprise in her words forced him to take a step away from her, "What? Of course not, Shepard!" He defended, his voice spoke more though; _how could you say that?_

She looked away shamefully after that, sitting back down quietly. She was silent for a moment before shaking her head and bringing her gaze back to look at the turian in front of her, "I'm sorry," She apologized, rubbing her temple, "I know you wouldn't think that of me, Garrus. I'm sorry."

He crossed his arms over his chest, his blue eyes piercing her to the floor, "What's wrong?"

Almost immediately, he could see the tears building in her eyes. She inhaled through her nostrils heavily, turning her attention shortly to the glowing screen behind her before averting them to the floor, "It's Kaiden," She admitted softly, "He sent me an e-mail... about what happened on Horizon."

His mandibles tightened to his mouth, unsure of how he felt with mentioning of the human male's name, "Are you guys ok?"

Her eyes shot up to him, anger over the event still fresh in her eyes, "Of course not!" She snapped, standing up again to brush past him.

He stared at the screen, allowing himself to be nosy and read the title of the e-mail. There was something boiling in his blood, something he couldn't understand and he had to force it away. Garrus turned around to face her back as she watched the empty fish tank, "You haven't read it."

It wasn't a question.

Her head turned slightly to look at the desktop from over her shoulder, "...No."

"Why not?"

"Why should I?" There was a hint of disdain in her voice.

He shrugged, "Maybe it's an apology."

He listened as she inhaled again, he could almost see her nostrils flaring. Watched as she turned away from the empty tank to take a seat on her couch. She sat forward, bringing both her elbows up to her knees and covered her face with both of her hands, "That's why I don't want to read it," She grumbled through the palms of her hands.

Garrus chuckled, "In time then," He said with a hint of laughter in his voice at her antics. He moved to lean against the support column of her display case that was beside the steps leading to her loft.

There was silence as he watched his commanding officer.

After a moment or two, Shepard lowered her hands away from her face to look at him, "You get any sleep?"

He silently shook his head.

"How long?"

The stubborn turian looked away, standing straight up, "Not long."

He saw the smile turn on her lips form a frown, "Garrus." She warned.

"I don't know, Shepard. More than 42 hours?"

"Garrus!" She scolded him, "Why?"

He shrugged, "I haven't been tired." It was a lie. But even with the spoken agreement between them, it wasn't as if he could have admitted that it was the lack of her presence around him that kept him awake. It was clear that what was between so far had been strictly physical on her part, and he didn't want to scare her away by saying something as strong as that, "And quite frankly, I've been more concerned about you."

"Me?" She echoed, amusement in her voice, "Why is that?"

"You haven't been the same."

Whatever coaxed humor into her at his words died when those words slipped out of his mouth. Her lips tightened into a small frown and she narrowed her eyes at him, "Meaning?"

He closed his eyes, shaking his head with a heavy sigh, "Do you remember what you taught me back with Dr. Heart?"

His hawk eyes caught her swallowing a knot down, and he knew with that reaction he had hit a spot she was determined to leave untouched. He saw her fists tighten up as she looked away from him to favor the floor once more.

"No." She said sharply. Her tone meant to end the conversation there.

Garrus had other plans. He wasn't known to be a rebel by obeying. His mandibles pulled into a frown of his own, "You do." He countered evenly.

Her jaw clenched.

"And you know exactly what I'm talking about, Shepard."

Her head bowed, her fists were shaking with bottled anger. Knuckles an angry white as her fist tightened even more so.

"Shepard, what's-"

"Why are you here, Garrus?!" She snapped at him, pushing her body to stand, and determined to change to subject. Her emerald eyes were an angry shade darker. If she were a krogan, he'd of been head butted by now. He'd be on the floor with a bleeding and probably broken nose.

But he didn't back down. The turian squared his shoulders and braved a step closer, never taking his eyes away from her. He had the ferocity of an angel protecting a loved one when he spoke, "Tell me to go, and I will."

Almost immediately, the angry flames behind her eyes sizzled out and she bit back a sob behind pinched lips. He watched as her eyes began to fill with tears, how the muscles in her neck tightened as she held back the cries until finally, she broke. She tumbled to her knees with a single sob.

Garrus watched her fall, and he elongated his strides to catch her before she could hit the floor.

Shepard hated this. It didn't matter how strong of a front she put up, he always saw through it. Why couldn't he just be as dense as everyone else on the ship? Why did he have to be Archangel! Why was he here? Out of everyone in the damn galaxy, it was he she found first. Her fingers curled up into a strong fist and she threw it at Garrus, hitting him on his shoulder as hard as her body allowed.

The anger boiled up again, his grunt was muffled by the thrumming in her ears. She pulled her hand back and struck him once more. She pushed him away from her, but his arms collapsed around her waist and he held onto her tightly as she struggled.

Despite her violence, he knew she needed him to stay. Damned the bruises he'll have in the morning from her hits, but she never told him to leave. Never screamed for him to let her go. Never asked him not to touch her. He knew, because while her right fist was throwing everything she had at him, her left was desperately clinging to his shirt. _Don't let me go._

He couldn't fathom how she planned to handle all of this on her own. He was sure she would have lost her mind if she hadn't found someone to lean against. He couldn't help but think back to Omega, to how perfect her timing was. A moment later, and he'd have been dead. And she would have been alone. There was a weak whisper in his mind that wondered why Cerberus had been interested in someone like Archangel, but he didn't think too much on it. For whatever reason they had, it brought him back to Shepard and that's all her cared about.

He wasn't sure how long the episode lasted, but her cries were eventually silenced as he ran his fingers through her hair. Her head was resting on top his shoulder, and he wasn't sure how it happened, but Shepard had ended up in his lap with his arms wrapped around her bridal style. He purred for her like she requested back when this all started. _Reminds me of Earth._

Her breathing evened out, and she was now tracing absent circles along the edge of his bandage that covered his scars. He tightened his hold around her, and she returned the embrace, burrowing her head into the curve of his neck. He took the opportunity to breathe in the scent of her hair. He heard her sigh, her breath running across the front of his neck when she whispered, "I'll never have a life of my own to save, will I?"

He pulled back from the embrace to look at her, "Is that was this is all about?"

Shepard looked away slowly, she clenched her eyes shut and shook her head in confusion, "I don't know anymore."

"Tell me," He whispered in her ear, "_Please_."

The tone of his voice awoke something inside her, something that warmed the pits of her belly. She curled her toes to numb that feeling and pulled away from him just enough to stare into his eyes, "I don't know," She answered truthfully, her voice was void of emotion, "I remember things..." She started, her hand closed over her heart and she closed her eyes to force the memory away, "Things that hurt," She finished softly, an image of Kaiden from the original Normandy flashed in her head. There were lockers behind him. They were about to kiss but that's where the memory ended. "Then... Then I remember my head feeling like it's being squashed. My lungs drying up. My skin burning. Then there was silence. Rest. The pain went away. I was numb, and free. Like I was closing my eyes to sleep, but then I woke up here."

His mandibles lowered as he listened to her, and he lifted his hand to cover the one she had over her heart, as if it would help her hurt less somehow, "Shepard," his fingers tightened around her hand, "That was death."

"It was peaceful, Garrus."

If turians could cry, he was sure the tightness in his chest at her words were it. He pulled her closer to him and deepened his purr to offer more comfort. It was the only thing he could do for her.


End file.
